a bird in the hand is worth... how does it go?

Well now.  That was unexpected.  Seemingly out of nowhere, I have a job offer.  Then why am I so... meh?

I'll start my saga four months ago, when I was in the closing half of maternity leave, peeing my pants in fear that I might get sent on assignment far away from my beloved son, and become none other than a weekend mommy.  I began a daily job search, posted my resume on monster, and applied to a few jobs that looked appealing.

Then, the week before I was scheduled to return to work, I got an interview from a well-known local company.  They were looking for an engineering project manager to help manage their real estate projects - new buildings and renovations, all of a simple cookie cutter design with a little red goose on the sign.  I was stoked, what a great place to work.  And I'm sure they have some super-secret cafeteria that has hoagiefest year round!  I aced the interview and became one out of the 14 interviewees to garner an elusive spot in the final four.  Unfortunately, I couldn't celebrate too soon because the next round was going to be a month away.

No problem, I thought, as I secretly psyched myself up.  Meanwhile, I got a reply from a local university but 5 miles up the road from my house.  The interview for the project manager position was set for the day before hoagiefest's round 2.  Score!  This was a place that I'd scoured the website for 3 years looking for a position like this to open up.  5 minute commute, 4 weeks vacation, and free tuition for my kids.  I was ready to hand in my resignation and move in.

In the days leading to the interviews, I played a game in my head.  Ok, I know I like the university position better, but the hoagie position seems great too, I'd be happy with either one.  But what happens if I got the offer from hoagiest before university had a chance to decide?  Will I risk holding out, or do I take what I get.  Maybe it'd be best if I didn't have to make that decision, like if the offer from the U comes before hoagiefest. 

I had my bags packed, my current boss ready as a reference, and my stalking done.  It's amazing what you can find out about your potential future boss with a few clicks of the mouse these days.

Never once did I consider that I get myself so overly emotionally attached to something that I could just squeeze the life out of it before it is ever mine.  But that's exactly what happened.  The day after round 2 with hoagiefest, I got a call, thanks you're awesome but not as awesome as the other guy we picked.  Ok, ok, no problem, I told myself.  This means you're supposed to get the university one.  Thank you note was already sent so I just sat back and waited.

and waited.

After two weeks, I had the nerve to send a follow up note, just a quick, hey how's it going curious if the position has been filled?  Nothing is more of a slap in the face than NO RESPONSE.  Seriously dude, we chatted for an hour and a half, you bitched about how when you were laid off last year half the people you called for a job didn't have the courtesy to at least call back and say we got nothing for you.  You hypocritical jerk.  Well I wouldn't want to work for you anyway.  Pshhh. Yea if he called me today I'd still probably take the job in a heartbeat.

Confidence shattered, I turned my attention to this recruiter who had called me out of the blue having seen my resume on monster.  It had been up there for so long, I actually forgot it was still being viewed.  He said he had an opportunity for a facilities project manager he thought I might be interested in.  So I went on the interview.  Called me back and told me hey, you're the only one they want back for a second round.  I don't know if I just didn't want to get my hopes up again or what, but it just didn't phase me this time. 

The interview took place a few hours ago, and I just got a call.  I'm in!  They want me!  Why am I not so excited?

Probably because of this - the cons:
- It's a contract-to-hire position.  Meaning no benefits the first year, a chance of not getting hired next, and no tenure as a company employee for accrued vacation time and maternity leave when I finally am brought on.  So will I have to re-adjust my schedule for baby #2?
- The hours are all wonky.  I basically would make my own schedule but would have to make it to be there a few evenings a week in order to meet contractors, etc.  This will knock hubs' schedule out of wack as I'm the one who usually does pickup at daycare.
- Some weekend work.  They assured me that anything I have scheduled ahead of time (weddings, weddings, weddings, etc) would be worked around, but still if I need a contractor working that weekend, I need to delegate someone to get them moving.
- Some travel. (!) seriously. Why would I even consider a new job that still has a few trips annually when that is the reason I'm leaving in the first place?!  Maybe because of...

The Pros...
- A significant pay raise.  Significant enough to mask the lack of benefits that comes with being a contract employee.  And then some.  But really, when I started the job search I said, it is not about the money, it's the work/life balance I want.  So hey, money?  I know you're talking, but I ain't listening!
- My kind of people.  Everyone I met with is nice, funny, and they love FOOD.  I have never been on another interview that food was discussed so much, I think we talked about Bobby Flay more my engineering knowledge. 
- Make my own schedule.  They told me they don't think the last PM ever worked on a Friday.  As long as I get my 40 in and my work done, it's cool.  Obviously my schedule has to encompass certain things as I mentioned in the Con side of this argument, but whatever works for me, works for me.
- Lunch with my bff lady.  Yes, her company is the client of the company I'd be working for.  When she needs to complain that the contractor doing renovations near her office left dust on her desk, she'll call me.  Or I could just leave pennies on her desk like we did for poor bowlers in high school.  Wow that's old.

I just don't get it.  I don't get myself.  There is no other opportunity in sight right now.  I've got it, it's an out from the looming "pack your bags and work in Vegas for a year" bomb.  I can tell my NYC bosses to shove it, and I can stop all this worrying.

So what am I afraid of?