This ain't no Special K Diet...

... but I've lost 7 lbs in less than two weeks.  These two weeks I decided to stop tracking my weight watchers points because I was so frustrated with the gain and loss of the same 4 lbs over months.  So, really it's only a net of 3 lbs, but I'm finally at my pre-Lobstah weight, 8 months later!

And - I didn't restrict my diet at all - I ate everything I wanted!  In fact, In the past 10 days I've had more take-out and junk than I did all summer.  Plus lots of chocolate.  Think an entire carton of whoppers for a meal.  The most expensive and stressful weight loss plan ever, and I know I'll regain those lbs real quick, but here's exactly how it's done:

Gobblesmom's 10 Step Plan to Melt Away the pounds (and some brain function as well)

For best results, steps 1 thru 5 should be done over an 18 hour period, with no food and minimal water...

1) Sell your house and buy a new one, but only take settlement day off from work.  So stay up late all week leading up to settlement in order to pack, clean, pack, and oh feed keep your kids alive.  Get up at 4am the day of settlement to finish packing, disconnect any final appliances, get the dogs and kids out the door to daycare, and return to see your husband standing in amazement that the movers managed to get the 500 lb elliptical machine out of the basement without a fight.

2) Have your husband be the one to make all the arrangements for the movers, in turn underestimating the size truck they'll need, so everything from the shed and patio cannot fit.  Thank the moving gods that you have an awesome friend with a pickup truck willing to come by at the drop of a hat after work to load the rest of the stuff and pray that the jerko buying your home will let a few items sit in the driveway for the first few hours of his ownership.

3) Rush off to settlement and learn that the jerko, although ok with the crap in the driveway, is unhappy with the state the house was left in, what with dust balls in the corner and one piece of dog poop in the backyard.  His scumbag realtor demanded a "cleaning fee" in order to settle, even though it was his jerko client that insisted there was absolutely no way we could rent from him for a hot minute in order to move from one home to the other and clean properly.  The realtor goes off about the dustballs and having to paint - I interrupt with Paint?!  Those paint colors were there when he saw the place - when your APPRAISER saw the place and gave your client an extra 15 grand out of our pockets!  Hubs interrupts me and says fine, we'll go back and clean - no settlement.  I run a quick calc in my head and realize that the stupid fee wouldn't be worth having the movers sit on the truck longer than they already are, so I tell hubs forget it, we will settle.  Hubs tells jerko's agent Well if he's that hard up for money, fine, he can have it.  I look at hubs shaking my head and whisper "diaper".  If only we had done what we'd contemplated the night before, taken some of the lobster's poopy diapers and tossed them up into the far end of the attic where they wouldn't be noticed until long after settlement.  This guy had been such a thorn in our side, I only wish now we were the assholes we'd imagine we could be. 

Sorry - that was kind of a tangent.  Now back to the list.

4) Settle, but don't shed a tear over the loss of your old house - no TIME!  On to the new home walk-through.  Then to settlement! Then back to the new house so the movers can unload!  But wait - there are trees hanging over the driveway - quick cut down those branches so the moving truck won't get scratched!  And don't let the movers see you trying to drink some water because you'll feel terribly guilty even though you keep offering them some too! 

5)  After the movers are done hubs can go back to the old house to meet the aforementioned awesome friend & his pickup truck.  Take the time to survey the damage of the whirlwind move.  Look for some cleaning products to begin cleaning the bathrooms as well as some sheets, because showers and sleep will be high on the priority list.  (preempted by food of course, but waiting for hungry hubs would be the polite thing to do).  Climb over boxes in every room looking for everyday items, like the phone charger - which will probably still be missing 10 days later.  Muse at the movers' lack of understanding of your handwriting, or, does foyer mean bedroom in Spanish?

6) After the rest of the stuff is brought back by hubs and his friend grab some gross fast food and get to work cleaning.  Rinse, repeat all weekend and thank the moving gods again that the kids are with grandma.  Oh, and get the POD delivered and unload all that crap too.  The garage, living room, and basement make good dumping grounds.

7) If the kids' rooms and kitchen are set up before they get there, it's a good sign.  Hug your children because they missed you.  Put them to bed and keep working.  Get up and go to work, come home, fight the toddler off the swingset to come in for dinner, which consists of more takeout because food shopping just hasn't happened yet.  Have the dogs poop all over the dining room because they're nervous in the new place and have met their match with the three next door.

8) Get sick, a sore scratchy throat that screams whenever you swallow.  This will aid in the loss of appetite, so then even when you have time to eat (for instance at work) you won't want to. 

9) Get your baby sick too - a double ear infection so she won't sleep or even want to be put down.  Because you get a much better workout vacuuming when you're holding a 20 lb child in your other arm.

10) Finally go food shopping 8 days after moving in with both children in tow while hubs runs other errands.  Go to an unfamiliar grocery store and breathe a sigh of relief that the "Mommy Parking" spots must mean it's a nice kid-friendly place.  FALSE. Get dirty looks every aisle you turn into because your child is walking down the middle because there are no special kiddie car carts and you don't have enough room for them both in the cart.  Pass up any opportunities to buy junk food because you're chasing a kid whose priority is cantaloupes and at the same time you're looking for a damn pizza crust because homemade pizza is just so much more wholesome and healthy than regular pizza.  Get more dirty looks from the snobby patrons for being in the grocery store on a Saturday with children because they obviously never had to work during their childbearing years and could leisurely stroll through on any given Tuesday (or have their nanny do it). 

Bonus Tip:  Use your lunch hour during your second full week to run out to various stores to purchase things that have been lost, thrown out, or just plain never existed during the course of the move.  This will limit your food intake to something that can be eaten at your desk in a rush while you work, such as greek yogurt or reese's cups from the office manager's candy bowl.  Protein and sugar.  My new key to a healthy diet.

And Finally, a Warning:  If you attempt this diet, the most unwise thing to do would spend a 5 day stint at a food & wine festival afterwards, which will likely erase all of the "progress".  Being one who always bucks the system, I'm looking forward to regaining it all starting just 1 week from now on Hubs' and my special break from it all!!!

Gymnastics arena or sunporch?

Either way - a great place for me to do my puzzles (and jump!)

Summer Travel Series Part 3: SICx2

With the crisp autumn air among us, I only see it fitting to jot down memories from the last month of summer, before they too dissipate from my mind.

The kids were lucky enough to go to the lovely jersey shore town of Sea Isle City not once but twice during August - first to my aunt's house with my cousin's family and sisters, then next to the house my parents always rent, this time with Daddy in tow. 

My sister rode down with me and the kids to the first trip, so that I'd have a handle on them if the drive started looking like a repeat of the way home from OCMD, and our adventure started before we even got there.  Typically, I always take the back roads and steer clear of the AC expressway, but having had to drop off a dog at hubs' work (since he was pulling an all-nighter), it was just easier to go that way.  And of course something happened to remind me as to why I don't take that route.

Yup - I got pulled over.  Probably doing about 90 in the left lane (it's hard to judge when traffic is so light!), and I saw the unmarked cop car sitting on the median as I drove by.  Crap, I thought.  I pulled back into the middle lane and waited for him to catch up.  Sure enough, he pulled in behind me and through on his lights.  As soon as I pulled over I got my information out and mustered up my humble little story. Hi Officer, I'm so sorry.  See, the baby was crying so I was just trying to get over as quick as I could so I could be out of the way.... and I drifted off.  The officer peeked into the backseat and saw this:



Hey!  What's goin on??

He took my paperwork and went back to his car.  Miraculously, he came back with a written warning for me - as well as a verbal letting me know that he had 4 more officers down the road so I should watch out.  He added I have kids, I get it.  Drive safe.  I drove away feeling like a complete asshole.  Did I just use my daughter to get out of a ticket, probably a few points, and likely an increase in insurance?  Yup.  Thanks Lil Lobster Roll, I totally owe you one.

We arrived with no further incident and Gobbles got right down to business playing with his bff of the weekend Lil M.  She is 18 months old but didn't miss a beat keeping up with him.  In fact, she was a lot tougher than my shy guy, not wincing a bit if she fell of a chair, and taking to the baby as if she were her dolly. 

The weather was not so great for the weekend so we made sure we got to the beach early on Saturday morning, and after an hour or so when the clouds rolled in we called it quits.  It was really nice though because my sisters stayed back at the house with the Lobster Roll and let me have some momma-son time with Gobbles.  He had a blast running all around the empty beach playing in the sand.  He was a little timid of the ocean, and tried to claim Lil M's daddy as his own for a few minutes, but all in all he had a lot of fun just hanging out with mom.

Why am I in a hole?

Hey Gobbles, why were you in a hole??

Waterboy!   Though I really look like Ralphie here!

After we cleared the beach and fed the kids lunch, it was the ever frightful naptime.  I don't know why I didn't just give up, perhaps because Gobbles was so cranky, but I knew he needed a nap.  I spent the better part of 6 hours trying to get him to go down before I gave up.  First he was down and talking to himself and fine, then he started throwing things, then his sister needed to nap so I brought her in the room and he didn't want me to leave, so I laid down next to him (anything to keep the him quiet so the baby could sleep).  Then he wanted stories.  Then he started throwing his stuffed animals around again.  Finally I just told him we'd go upstairs.  Once up there, it was tantrum after tantrum, then he said I want a nap!  Sure thing, buddy, I took him down again.  Repeat all of the above.  UGH... At some point during the ordeal I told him he couldn't go to the rides if he didn't nap.  Then the skies opened up and it started raining, so it furthered my point! 

Hell No We won't Nap!

Hell No!  We Won't Nap!!

Oh Mommy, don't be mad at me - I did nap! I promise!

And I ate my Mum Mum bar!

He finally fell asleep after dinner probably around 6:30 or so, and meanwhile I was too exhausted to function.  The next morning, he woke up and proclaimed I took a nap!  Now let's go to the rides!  Too late buddy - weekend's over!  And like that, it was. 

Thanks for a fun weekend Lil M! 

We didn't have time to miss it though, since we were back down the next weekend.  With hubs to help me this time, of course Gobbles was much better behaved and the Lil Lobster Roll was as sweet as always. 

Our first day there a few of us headed to the beach early with Gobbles while hubs stayed behind with the napping Lobster.  We coaxed him into conquering his fear of the ocean and soon he was running in, jumping the waves, yelling at the waves, and chucking fistfuls of sand into the water.  Eventually the adults got tired and went back to our chairs about 50 yards from the water, where Gobbles decided to make some sandcastles.  When that got boring, he wanted to run to the ocean, but being the lazy adults we were I told him to run down, touch the ocean, and come back, and I would time him.  I think he ran about a half mile or so back and forth and back and forth from our chairs to the ocean, slapping his hands onto the wet sand and coming back again. 

Gobbles was inching further and further into the water, so finally I asked if he wanted to go "all the way" in.  Surprisingly, he obliged.  I scooped up my son and carried him into the ocean, deeper than he could stand (probably about to my waist no big deal).  As the waves crashed into us I hoisted him in the air and he laughed hysterically - More mommy!  Throw me high in the sky!  Meanwhile, in order to not tip over from the waves I was basically being pummelled in the face with them.  Gobbles didn't care, he was having a blast.  There wasn't even a fight to get him to nap this time! 

You mean you don't have any pics of Gobbles' beach time on your phone this time?? just me eating my foot?  Is that really entertaining??

No, but she has a cool pic of me doing my puzzles!  I LOVE these things!

 That night we attempted the rides.  And like every other attempt for the last year and a half, Gobbles was too petrified to do anything.  The Lobster Roll rode the carousel for the first time and LOVED it.  Another parent came up to me after the ride and went off about how happy she was on the ride - how cute.  Like an a-hole, I go Oh I KNOW!  because in my head I was thinking she was comparing the reaction of the Lobster to her brother's (complete fear) and I meant to say "Oh yea - she loves it but her brother doesn't".  Haha oh well. 

Um, Mommy?  I'm on the couch, not the rides?

But I'll still smile for a pic or two! 

Meanwhile, there was another little boy there about Gobbles age, who kept trying to convince him to go on the rides It's not scary!  And Gobbles would retort No!  I won't go on there.  My SISTER will ride!  We thought we had him convinced for a minute to ride the tame little train, but when the time came to hand over your tickets and board, he backed off.  Since the tickets were already handed over, I handed the Lobster Roll to hubs to ride.  I'll say one of them had fun, she was not embarrassed to ride at all (yes, there's a video of that too:)  After the train incident we just handed over the rest of our tickets to the nice little boy and left.

The next day was pretty much the same thing beachwise, but hubs came with us while Grandmom watched the baby.  I took it easy and sat back and watched hubs play with his son, in the sand, in the water, and into the ocean even further than I took Gobbles the day before.  Though the water was cold, it made me so warm and happy to watch my husband and son have the time of their lives.  I stood knee-deep in the ocean filming the whole scene, thankful for all the happiness my little family has.

Again Gobbles' resistance to nap was no match for the ocean, so as he went down, I decided to take the Lobster Roll.  I clad her in a bikini for probably the last time until she's 18, and her grandmother and aunts smothered her with pictures.  So far, this child is not like her brother at all - she does not shy away from the camera.  She poses and mugs and smiles for everything.  She also had a blast at the beach, it was just my sisters and I with her but she didn't care.  She had the sand and some toys, so she was perfectly content!  She loved exploring the sand and examining her hands when they were covered, and I loved watching her face react to the different textures.

Ahh!  More pics of me!  I love it. But what's with the hat?

They really want to see my lovely hair! 

Seriously Mom?  WHY do you put the toy just out of reach?  I'll crawl when I crawl, enough!

I LOVE playing in the water!

YUM!

Our last night there was just me, hubs, my mom and younger sister.  Everyone else had left because of work or other obligations (Phillies games - a priority for my dad!).   We decided to go out to dinner for an early bird special since the kids can't last that long anyway.  The restaurant was on the bay, food was ok, but the best part (for Gobbles at least) was the boat pulling in at the dock next door. 

Oh LOOK!  Finally - It's Gobblestime again!  Ohh a boat!

After dinner hubs and I took the kids to walk the boardwalk.  The same one that my older sister and I "cruised" with our cousins almost 20 years ago trying to act cool and pick up dudes.  It's amazing how quickly things seem to change!  Since the rides the previous night were a failure, we took Gobbles to something less tame - the arcade.  And I'll tell you what?  It is SO easy to get tickets now on any game.  Granted, they jack up the prices of the prizes, but still we felt like we were winning!  Gobbles loved the ski ball, except he like chucking the ball instead of throwing it nicely, so I introduced him to the slots.  And of course, anything with levers and buttons and lights, that works.  When ADD set in we decided to get some prizes, and Gobbles came away with the mother load - not one but TWO parachute men!  After we got back to the house he spent the rest of the night, as well as the next morning before we left, tossing them off the loft into the living room and giving us all a workout trying to run them back up to him.

CHAOS!!  Mommy put this sticker up on the post in 1996 (or 97?) with her reject summer pal Cawola!

Now this is the kinda ride i LIKE.  One that's broken so it won't move or make noise!

All RIGHT!

Can you get my parachute men please??

Well, I said back at the beginning of the summer that I wouldn't let the fact that we were selling a house get in the way of any opportunities to get to the beach, and we didn't.  However, now that summer is over, we're just exhausted.  So we'll have to wait and see just how many parts encompass next years' travel series.  I think after our trip to Disney in May we just may stay put the rest of the summer.  But you know what happens to the best laid plans...

What a great summer!  Let's do it again next year!

8 days

This morning marks the 8th morning that Gobbles woke up, went without a fight to the toilet, sat down and did his business, and put on big boy underwear to start his day.  We sent him to school each day armed with spares, but there was no need, he is a potty champ.

An embarrassing EIGHT MONTHS after he first went potty, we can officially say that our son is potty trained. 

In other news, watch OUT, the lil lobster train is backing up.  That's right, she's on the move - crawling backwards just like her bro started out.   

Considering we spent most of the weekend packing boxes and just kind of let them do their thing, it just goes to show that my kids accomplish things much easier when I'm not up their butts bugging them about it. 

And just like that, with the potty training behind us Gobbles was off to his first day of "preschool" this morning.  Not a big deal because it's just across the hall from his old room, but of course I had tears in my eyes as I left the room, watching him play dinosaurs and laugh with the teacher and his bff Michael.  The only thing that made me feel better was watching my little girl after I plopped her down in the middle of a group of screaming infants.  She looked at them, looked back at me and broke into her signature gummy smile, as if to say Momma, I won't let these kids get me down, so you don't let the fact that Gobbles is getting old bother you one bit.

These guys are the best.

See Momma!  I don't even care that you stuck me in his old clothes, and he doesn't care that you stuck me on top of him!

Edited 9.5.12 - to add to the potty training.  With Gobble's newly aquired skill also came dressing himself.  This morning as he was putting his underpants back on, he showed me how each leg goes through each hole.  Then he stuck his hand in the fly and exclaimed "oh and see?  these ones have a little pocket!"  Kid cracks me up!