Five! (and two months...)

Just like fire, burnin' up the way

if I could light the world up for just one day

watch this madness, colorful charade.

No one can be Just Like Me, anyway! 

- Pink

Dear Lil Lobster Roll,

 Five. A whole hand. Five going on sixteen it seems sometimes. You are becoming an amazing little lady right before our eyes. You've been working your way through your final pre-k school year at the head of your class, and I'm not just talking academically. Apparently you're the best helper at cleaning up, even when the mess isn't yours, you stand up for other kids getting picked on, and you are a natural leader in all things play and fashion. You really do embody all of the qualities I strive to have, and i am so incredibly proud of you.

You keep your intelligence on the down low, not because you lack confidence, but because it doesn't seem to matter to you. Your priorities are more with just making sure everyone is happy, and then you'll randomly pipe up with some little known fact you learned a year ago, add some random numbers, or belt out a song you've heard once word for word. One of your favorite hobbies is following us around asking how to spell things and listing them in your little notebook, getting to the point where you're starting to sound them out yourself.

Every single day you come home from school with no less than three cards you've made with "mommy, daddy, gobbles, baby" listed on the front and a family picture drawn inside, where we're holding flowers or lollipops and smiling broadly. Your family is your number one priority and you show us every day how we mean the world to you (and vice versa of course). You're like Poppy from your current favorite movie Trolls- relying on hugs and positivity to fix anything. Whenever I greet Daddy with a hug and a kiss you jump up, announce "group hug!" and grab your brother and all come into the fold. I love it, the affection and the warmth, I hope it never changes.

Besides Trolls, other current favorites are Elena of Avalor, Phineas and Ferb, and just about any random girlie cartoon you can find on Netflix. All you talk about planning-wise is when we can go back on the Disney Cruise ship, 3 days of an 8 day Thanksgiving trip we took back in November that you and your brother have not stopped talking about. Daddy and I love that you've been bit by the travel bug like we have, and when you get older we promise to expand your horizons beyond the big Mouse.

As far as extra curriculars, I feel I've loaded you up for your last year before you start full day Kindergarten and we lose our Mommy-Lobster Fridays. You did soccer in the fall where you of course ran circles around the boys, have been doing dance since September with your bff K, started gymnastics in January as the youngest in the class but had no problem catching up, and pretty soon tball season starts. The only girl on the team but I know you're gonna kick butt anyway.

You have done a lot of growing in the last year, partly due to things beyond your control. When we lost Spoons in September I feel like you took it the worst, still crying out how much you miss her whenever you are tired or upset in some way. But then you always turn it around and discuss her during happy times too- talking about what she's doing in Heaven right now and having faith that she is still with us. Beneath your tough girl exterior you do have an extremely sensitive side that usually comes out when your overtired, that's when we just really watch out because any wrong word can set you off and we get a little preview of our teenage munchkin. It's ok though, your emotions are yours and you're still learning to handle the explosion that happens when you bottle them up.

Well munch, five is going to bring about huge changes for you- a new brother or sister, heading off to the big school with your brother, and a little less one on one time with me that we've enjoyed the last two years. I know I'm going to miss it because I love spending time with you, but I know you are going to do great as a big sister and a big kindergartener. I am so proud of the amazing, kind, smart, beautiful little lady you have become inside and out and can't wait to continue sharing in your love of life and family.

Love,
Mommy

My Precious Rainbow Baby (34 weeks)

Like a small boat on the ocean

Sending big waves into motion

Like how a single word 

Can make a heart open

I might only have one match

But I can make an explosion

Dear Rainbow Baby,

Hey there little one! This letter has been a very long time coming.  I've been wondering what to say for months and also pretty afraid to jinx anything with you. Now all of the sudden we're coming down the home stretch- 6 weeks to go!- and I can't wait to meet you!

We've finished the nursery and started the work baby pool. I'm expecting you a little early just bc you're measuring big- a whole week ahead! Each day I change my mind whether you're a boy or a girl, my cravings have run the gamut with you- French onion soup in the first tri and Wawa sizzlies. For months now it's been orange juice, grapefruit, or carnation instant breakfast. I'm dying of thirst each night but have heartburn so much as well. I feel a little bit like I did my pregnancy with your big brother Gobbles and a little bit like with your sister the Lil Lobster Roll. Daddy has been solidly in the boy camp ever since he saw your first ultrasound picture at 7 weeks but I keep going back and forth wondering just who you are!

I'm writing this at 5am bc sleep is getting less comfortable- it seems 3am is your favorite time to start a dance party in my belly. I don't mind at all, I'm just trying to embrace every minute of this because I know it is fleeting and you're most likely to be the last one to inhibit my cozy belly. I'm pretty sure you'll be the tallest of the babies bc the alien- like stretches we can see rolling around my belly are unreal. The other night Daddy felt a distinct leg right around my belly button and it freaked him out. The next day your siblings felt it and thought it was so cool. Even though I weigh more than I ever have, I've gained the least amount of weight with you- 33lbs so far as opposed to 46 with the other two. I guess I shouldn't talk just yet with time still to go, but all of that is the last thing I worry about anyway! You've made me dizzy with low blood pressure for the better part of weeks 28-32, but I feel like that has improved as well.

The world you'll be entering is pretty chaotic, we're always running from one activity to the next with Gobbles and the Lobster roll, so there's never a dull moment. You've already been to Disney World in my belly and will be there again at 4 months old with my mom squad and all of your extended brothers and sisters. Get used to it, we're a Disney family and have at least 40 years worth of trips ahead of us! Don't worry, we plan on exploring other parts of the world too as you get older, your siblings have already been bitten by the cruising bug and are begging to hit up another one soon.

Besides your brother and sister you're also entering a home with two senior dogs, Cannoli and Zorro. Cannoli has been with us almost 11 years and we just got 8/9 year old Zorro- it's a long story., but we've only had him a few months. You have a dog up in Heaven named Spoons, you would have loved her so much. She faced a tough battle last year and we lost her when you were about 10 weeks along in my belly. The kids still talk about her every day so I'm sure you will hear a lot about her, always in our hearts.

My little rainbow, you have no idea how special you are to me, to our family. We went through a lot to get you, more than we had to for your brother or sister. A lot of patience, pain, struggle, and heartache. We are over the moon happy that you'll finally be joining us in a little over a month, because you are gonna be one awesome little kid and we love you so incredibly much. I'm so sorry that you will be a whole 5 years younger than the lobster, but it wasn't in the cards to have you closer to her age. That will just mean more mommy and you time when the other two are off in school. You'll also be very lucky to have your brother and sister old enough to help care for you, play with you, read to you (you probably heard your brother reading dr. Suess the other night- he was excellent!), and give you twice the love without the jealousy/ rivalry.  And since Mommy and Daddy have been around the block before with the whole newborn/ baby/ toddler thing, you'll realize how much we've relaxed on- you'll get to sleep in our bed, have less restrictions on tv, and be able to eat more junk than they ever did- there are some perks to being the baby :)!

Well my rainbow, the alarm will go off in 90 minutes so it's time for me to try and get one last nap in, Cannoli has just curled up on top of me and you are digging a limb into my ribcage. I'm glad I finally got to let you know how much I'm thinking about you, and always know that Mommy, Daddy, Gobbles, and the Lil Lobster Roll love you more than you'll ever know.

Love,
Mommy