For my children. And yours.

Over the past two days I have been brought to tears on numerous occasions by sentiment and hope because history is in the making right now.  I'm taking a step outside the everyday goings-on in our household for just a moment and finding myself glued to the tv and internet to soak in all I can on the Supreme Court hearings regarding DOMA and California's Proposition 8.

It's hard to articulate just why I'm so interested. 

Personally, in my bubble right now, judgments either way would not affect my everyday life.  I am acquainted with a couple in my outer circle who, having been married just over a year and recently had a baby, would benefit immensely should these laws be deemed unconstitutional.  However, an outsider looking in on my world would ask Why do you care??

I'll tell you why.  Perhaps part of it is just being on the right side of history.  Perhaps it's as simple as the fact that I'm a human being, and was born with innate empathy.

Or, perhaps, it is for my children, my future, our whole country's future. 

Since they are just 3 and 1, I have no idea what my son's sexual preference is, nor my daughter's gender identity.  They could be straight, gay, bisexual, transgendered, whatever.  All I know is that I love them.  No matter what.  I couldn't imagine an scenario in which I would not love them with my whole heart and soul.  It pains me to read about people cast off from their loved ones because of who they are.  Because of who they LOVE.

And because I love my children, should they end up being what society deems "different", I believe they should be afforded the same benefits from marrying the person they love as I am afforded being married to their father. 

I don't want to delve too deeply into the whole religious aspect, but since I was raised Catholic and still try to identify myself as somewhat "faithful", I feel the need to comment.  I was sheltered.  For 12 years in Catholic school, surrounded by teachers hammering what they considered right and wrong into our heads about sex, marriage, and other things, the word gay developed a negative connotation to me.  I was an ignorant teenager pointing out when I didn't like something "Oh that's so gay" or snickering with my friends about the lesbian teacher or softball coach "Ew she must want us".  Looking back, I'm so ashamed to have acted that way, and embarrassed that I didn't know any better. 

As I have grown into my own now, I realize how ridiculous it is that a religion that calls for you to love others as you love yourself would encourage such hate, discrimination, and basically obstruct one's ability to express their love.  As Christians, "we" should not impede others' road to happiness just because "we" disagree, especially when there is no adverse effect on said Christians' lives if the happiness is achieved.  I don't see those of the Jewish faith demanding that all non-Kosher restaurants be shut down because it is against what the Torah teaches.  They simply choose not to eat there.  And Christians who believe gay marriage is against what the bible says can simply choose not to be married to a same-sex partner.  They shouldn't dictate what the rest of the population does. 

No matter what level of faith my children are raised on, I will teach them tolerance first.  They will love their friends for who they are and what kind of character they have.  I want them to treat others as they want to be treated, and hold their peers to a similar level.  I hope that they will choose a partner with similar values - real values such as kindness, loyalty, trust. 

I spent more time than I'd like to admit on Sunday watching MTV air retro episodes of the Real World, San Francisco.  I cannot believe it's been nearly 20 years since my freshman friends and I watched this, Pedro's struggle for gay rights.  Back then it was all so new to us, something seemingly unheard of before (again- sheltered).  Though some progress has been made, it seems awfully slow-going that if Pedro were to die today, his husband Sean would still not be afforded the spousal benefits he would deserve.  It's about time for a change.

Last year we attended a wedding for close friends of ours where my husband was a groomsman, and joyfully celebrated the love of this amazing couple.  They are one of those couples that are just overall sweeties and treat each with such love and respect that you can't help but be positive when you're around them.  To think that the generation before us fought for couples like this one, a black man and a white woman, to get married with no barriers gives me hope. 

Hope that my children will know nothing other than equality among both heterosexual and homosexual marriage.  Hope that our generation can achieve something positive for the history books.  And hope for simply freedom - freedom of love and marriage for all. 

One Year!



You will always have a part of me

That nobody else is ever gonna see but you and me

My little girl...

- Ben Folds

Dear Lil Lobster Roll,

I cannot believe it.  You're an entire year old already.  Just like that.  Thank you for being the most amazing baby ever.  It was a stressful year for our little family but you managed to keep us smiling throughout all of it, an easy going (most of the time!) little girl who communicates exactly what you want and need to keep happy.

You are the little ray of sunshine in our household and your grin that melts my heart every. single. time. Your smile is so wide that your eyes are forced shut and you have a genuine belly laugh that energizes a room, and a shriek of delight that makes your brother cover his ears because of the deafening pitch. 

You are talking up a storm, with a few actual words including momma, dada, yea, no, hi, bye, and tickle. You are very close to saying you dog (ok not really, you point to them- "aye"), and even closer to saying your big brothers name. Last week at swim lessons when you and I were practicing your "scoot" in the class, Daddy and your brother were playing on a kickboard in the lap lane behind us.  You stopped your scooting - looked up and waved, yelling "nahhhnan!!!", which is close!  You were just so happy that you spotted him you had no more interest in your class.  That's pretty much how things are at home too, following your big brother around - whatever he's playing with you want too.

We had your 1 year appointment and you are 30" tall, 19 lbs 11oz (let's just say 20 for argument's sake), and have a 17 3/4 " head.  75th percentile height, 50th for weight.  My little peanut, so different from your giant 25 lb brother at the same age.  You're climbing steps and cruising like you're going to walk tomorrow.  You've taken 2 steps by yourself but as soon as you realize your doing it you hover for a second then drop to the floor.  Come on lady - confidence!  I keep trying to encourage you by holding your hand and walking around, but as soon as I start to pry my fingers out, you grab on with your other hand, having become wise to what I'm doing. 

You LOVE to wave, which you've been doing for months now, you do not clap or dance nearly as much as your brother did, but they come out occasionally.  You enjoy blowing kisses but even moreso you love to open mouth anyone who asks for a kiss.  You basically will bite their face off, learned from your pal in crime Cannoli.  Speaking of the dogs, we've been practicing gentle touches so you're getting to the point where they enjoy your pat.  You also love your bedtime stories, currently Puppy Love (touch & feel), and Goodnight Moon.  Every time we get to goodnight mouse, you excitedly point to it and keep turning the page back to point again. 

Oh, and your tongue?  You have the longest tongue in the world, like a little lizard.  Gross to say, but as you would sneeze this week that tongue would come right out to catch whatever you lost... And at swimming lessons you lap up the water as you swim through, or after I dunk you under.  It's out when you're smiling, when you're sad, and especially when you're determined.  I know when you're older you'll be that girl who has her tongue out of the corner of her mouth when she shoots a basketball, or is working hard on an art project. 

And just this week, your birthday week, you cut your two top teeth with the other two top following closely behind.  I didn't even realize it until you bit me one night - ouch!  So a grand total of 4 teeth at the 1 year mark, another thing a little behind your brother, but that's fine.  You're mastering the sippie cup and I'm hoping by the end of next week to have weaned from the bottle, already not in use during the day.  We need to work on your spoon handling skills a little more but you're just about down to 1 nap a day so you're ready to graduate from the infant room at school.

As far as your actual birthday celebration, you took after your momma.  Like me at my first birthday (as grandmom kept reminding us), you were sick for your own party.  Not sick sick, but enough to be a snot princess with runny nose and red eyes.  Mommy and Daddy spent all week cooking and cleaning and decorating in order to try and make your party perfect, but we failed when it came to assembling you for the day.  You woke up a sniffly mess so we kept you home from swimming and tried hard to get an extra long nap.  That failed so we tried hard to dress you up all pretty.  Somehow we lost one of your minnie mouse shoes (which I found the next night in Gobble's hamper) so you were all disheveled.  Your skirt, a Christmas gift from one of your aunts, was something I neglected to try on your prior but was determined to get you to wear anyway.  And finally, when it came to singing happy birthday to you, the Mickey & Minnie party hats that I had HUNTED for weeks ago sat neglected in the dining room because I was too concerned with wiping your nose and keeping you from sneezing on the desserts. 

But, I think you had fun.  The aforementioned little imperfections thrown in to the party just made your party all the more unique and memorable.  Most of your friends were there and you got to play a little bit with everyone.  You were hesitant with your smash cake at first, but then, when I wasn't looking (cutting up the cake for your guests), you jumped right in and couldn't get enough!  What mattered most was that the people you love were there, and they love you so very much.

I am so blessed to be your mommy Lil Lobster Roll, thank you for being such a wonderful little girl.  I love you munchkin.

Love,
Momma

Always screaming - with joy of course!

I'll blow kisses to the camera when we part!

Yep I'm crusin... and yep I'm curious - where are my puppies?

So what if my tongue sticks out when I'm determined?  I'm concentrating reallly hard!

I know my party wasn't til saturday, but carrots and zucchini for dinner? at least there was some pork in there too!

Oh wow you gave Gobbles cake!  on a Tuesday no less!

Ahhhhh, that's the stuff!

More guys to add to my castle!  I love them!

A beast, a prince, a mermaid, and a princess having dinner.  What a motley crew!

Why walk when I can be carried?

Mommy had to use a banner to demonstrate my ever-changing hair color

Oh yea, and have we mentioned we love dessert?

See - I wasn't so sick the day of my party that I lost my smile completely!

Party time snuggles!

Poozers is the ringleader!

Mommy's making me walk around with 1 shoe on!

Wow! Fire!  ooooohh!

Squish squish!

Oh yum! again, that's the STUFF!

Here Momma, have some!

Well hello everyone, thanks for coming!  I'll do my miss america wave!

Hey Mom! There's that party hat you wanted me to wear!  And have you found my shoe yet?

No shoe?  Can I just take a nap then?

Spreading the love across Delco.  As Tato quoted in a text "I'm gonna eat the s*** out of this" haha

Two and a HALF. Plus 1 month. Plus another day or two.

Someday we'll find it

The Rainbow Connection

The Lovers, the Streamers, and ME!

Dear Gobbles,

I know I'm a bit late on your epic 30 month letter, and I sincerely apologize.  Especially because this will probably be the last mid-year letter you need, since you're almost completely developed into a little kid.  There is no toddler about you anymore.  Except for the diaper, which you really only wear out of stubbornness.  You pee and poop on the potty like it's your job (well, since you get paid, maybe it is?).  A few weeks ago when I was putting your sister to bed, you marched past me down the hall proclaiming "I need some coins, so I'm gonna sit on the potty".  Maybe our method has backfired somehow?  You also tried a hard negotiation with me the other night - you peed and got a penny (your favorite coin), you decided you needed to go back on the potty.  After you farted a few times and declared yourself done, we went back into your room and you demanded two coins, saying that a fart is worth two when you know darn well a poop is worth two and you get nothing for farting.  Except adolescent giggles from your father. 

Of course, you threw a tantrum over not getting the additional coins you requested, and not just a tantrum.  You were mad.  You didn't just cry, you used your words to try and convince me that I was wrong in seeing a difference between a fart and a poop.  As inane and laughable as this argument sounds, I came away pretty proud of you for bringing up point to back up your argument (i farted with my bum, it felt like a poop, smelled like a poop, so should be paid for like a poop).  Your brain is always working overtime to explain why you feel the way you do.  This probably stems from the fact that you've been asking us why for months now, and I'll always play the game back with you to explain as much as I can.

Your latest new word game we like to play is opposites.  For fun, you just like to say the opposite of whatever I do.  It usually starts out with me telling you NO, and you coming back at me with Yes!.  After a few back and forth rounds I'll just let it all out at once noyesnoyesnoyes, which will at least crack a smile from you.  Before you remember what you were asking for, I'll change the subject Cold! and you come back with Hot!  we banter back and forth again and we end up with coldhotcoldhotcoldhot!  Every new opposite pair I introduce you seem to retain and bring up the next time.

Speaking of retaining, oh my goodness, you retain (and repeat) everything.  We were driving through a traffic jam last week and I got cut off, muttering under my breath.  A few minutes later, you come out with Where'd the idiot go?  Oh brother.  I've really got to stop with the road rage.  You are retaining things for the good though as well.  You've got a number of books memorized, your favorites being 101 Dalmations, If you give a Mouse a Cookie, and Brown Bear Brown Bear What do you See?.  And songs it seems like you only need to hear once or twice before you're singing away, usually in the backseat of the car.  If I join in you stop singing and shout No Mommmmy! I'm singing!  Because apparently my voice is not music to your ears.  That's ok, I love hearing everything from London Bridges to Call Me Maybe coming out of your mouth - you crack me up buddy.

Gobbles, I know you've been dreaming for awhile because of visiting your room due to night tremors, but the other morning made me realize that you're starting to recall your thoughts, and think about things at night.  The other morning when I woke you up, you looked at me and said Aiden and Carter are in the closet, and Aiden's daddy is at Grandmom's house.  We're smashing the boxes in the closet.  This was your first morning back to daycare in a week and we had stressed the night before that you'd be a good boy going back to school.  So you dreamt of your school buddies, threw in a little Grandmom, and there you have your first dream that you remembered.  And I know you think about things at night as you're drifting off to sleep because you're always talking to yourself in your bed.  You talk about your day and which kids played with which toys and who liked the sprinkler and who didn't... It's just amazing to me that there's so much going on in that little head of yours.  I can't wait to see which moments you will hold onto as memories and hope that they're all happy.

You are still Mr. bossypants but I'm sure that has more to do with watching your mother than anything else.  There is a place for everything and everything is in its place.  If you walk into grandmom's house and one of your calculators is missing, you demand it be put back on your desk.  If something is out of place at home or a dog gets out of line, you set everything straight.  Your teachers have nicknamed you Jimney Cricket, because you are everyone's little conscience at school and you make sure all the rules are followed (you even told a teacher when she was sitting where she shouldn't have been).  Mr. Gobbles, please please please lighten up a little on this - I know it's hard, trust me, from one control freak to another - but I don't want your little friends to get annoyed when they realize you're telling them all what to do, even though we all know you mean well.

I've gushed on an on about you buddy but I just can't help how proud I am of you and what a big boy you've become in such a short time.  The thing I am most proud of is the caring and affectionate big brother you are now.  The other day I was cleaning up and the Lil Lobster Roll was lounging in her chair just hanging out.  You were playing nicely with your toys when suddenly you got up Oh Lobster - here's your elephant, here you go!  And you walked over and placed her toy lovingly next to her head.  It was such a sweet and unprompted moment that made me melt a little inside.  You will randomly give her gentle hugs cute kisses, and continue to sing to her when she cries. She loves you so much and breaks out into a big smile whenever you're interacting with her.   The other night when we were all saying goodnight you grabbed her hand and manipulated her little fingers to fit around your thumb and smiled.  I again melted and exchanged glances with your Daddy who was also turning to jello.  You are the best big brother in the world and I'm so proud of you.

I Love You Forever my little Gobbles.  A quarter of the way to ten.  Sigh.

Love,
Mommy

Shh... I'm workin here!

Overheard from the backseat...

-Mommy, I like SEPTA buses, but ambulances are my favorite.
Aren't fire trucks your favorite?
No- we are all out of fire trucks.  We need to go to the Grocery store to buy more fire trucks.

- Look Mom, see the cherry blossoms?  They're pink.  They're pretty.  Oh LOOK - MORE cherry blossoms!

- Where'd Chase go?  He went home from school too.  Just look at all these cars going to work!  And no picking my nose.

- (as our car rolls through a yellow-turning-red light) We have to STOP because the light turned red. 

- Mommy look over there, that police car just turned left (correct!)

- (as Bad Romance is playing on the radio) Mommy, I don't want this Gaga, I want Poker Face!

Please!  That's my big brother saying all that... Duh - though I started talking I can't use real words yet!  Gimme a coupla months :)