My Precious Rainbow Baby (34 weeks)

Like a small boat on the ocean

Sending big waves into motion

Like how a single word 

Can make a heart open

I might only have one match

But I can make an explosion

Dear Rainbow Baby,

Hey there little one! This letter has been a very long time coming.  I've been wondering what to say for months and also pretty afraid to jinx anything with you. Now all of the sudden we're coming down the home stretch- 6 weeks to go!- and I can't wait to meet you!

We've finished the nursery and started the work baby pool. I'm expecting you a little early just bc you're measuring big- a whole week ahead! Each day I change my mind whether you're a boy or a girl, my cravings have run the gamut with you- French onion soup in the first tri and Wawa sizzlies. For months now it's been orange juice, grapefruit, or carnation instant breakfast. I'm dying of thirst each night but have heartburn so much as well. I feel a little bit like I did my pregnancy with your big brother Gobbles and a little bit like with your sister the Lil Lobster Roll. Daddy has been solidly in the boy camp ever since he saw your first ultrasound picture at 7 weeks but I keep going back and forth wondering just who you are!

I'm writing this at 5am bc sleep is getting less comfortable- it seems 3am is your favorite time to start a dance party in my belly. I don't mind at all, I'm just trying to embrace every minute of this because I know it is fleeting and you're most likely to be the last one to inhibit my cozy belly. I'm pretty sure you'll be the tallest of the babies bc the alien- like stretches we can see rolling around my belly are unreal. The other night Daddy felt a distinct leg right around my belly button and it freaked him out. The next day your siblings felt it and thought it was so cool. Even though I weigh more than I ever have, I've gained the least amount of weight with you- 33lbs so far as opposed to 46 with the other two. I guess I shouldn't talk just yet with time still to go, but all of that is the last thing I worry about anyway! You've made me dizzy with low blood pressure for the better part of weeks 28-32, but I feel like that has improved as well.

The world you'll be entering is pretty chaotic, we're always running from one activity to the next with Gobbles and the Lobster roll, so there's never a dull moment. You've already been to Disney World in my belly and will be there again at 4 months old with my mom squad and all of your extended brothers and sisters. Get used to it, we're a Disney family and have at least 40 years worth of trips ahead of us! Don't worry, we plan on exploring other parts of the world too as you get older, your siblings have already been bitten by the cruising bug and are begging to hit up another one soon.

Besides your brother and sister you're also entering a home with two senior dogs, Cannoli and Zorro. Cannoli has been with us almost 11 years and we just got 8/9 year old Zorro- it's a long story., but we've only had him a few months. You have a dog up in Heaven named Spoons, you would have loved her so much. She faced a tough battle last year and we lost her when you were about 10 weeks along in my belly. The kids still talk about her every day so I'm sure you will hear a lot about her, always in our hearts.

My little rainbow, you have no idea how special you are to me, to our family. We went through a lot to get you, more than we had to for your brother or sister. A lot of patience, pain, struggle, and heartache. We are over the moon happy that you'll finally be joining us in a little over a month, because you are gonna be one awesome little kid and we love you so incredibly much. I'm so sorry that you will be a whole 5 years younger than the lobster, but it wasn't in the cards to have you closer to her age. That will just mean more mommy and you time when the other two are off in school. You'll also be very lucky to have your brother and sister old enough to help care for you, play with you, read to you (you probably heard your brother reading dr. Suess the other night- he was excellent!), and give you twice the love without the jealousy/ rivalry.  And since Mommy and Daddy have been around the block before with the whole newborn/ baby/ toddler thing, you'll realize how much we've relaxed on- you'll get to sleep in our bed, have less restrictions on tv, and be able to eat more junk than they ever did- there are some perks to being the baby :)!

Well my rainbow, the alarm will go off in 90 minutes so it's time for me to try and get one last nap in, Cannoli has just curled up on top of me and you are digging a limb into my ribcage. I'm glad I finally got to let you know how much I'm thinking about you, and always know that Mommy, Daddy, Gobbles, and the Lil Lobster Roll love you more than you'll ever know.

Love,
Mommy

FOUR!

Dear Little Lobster Roll,

Wow.  I never imagined you at four. I guess I just thought you'd be my little baby girl forever.  You are so grown up and such a character that I have a hard time keeping up.  First, I can never promise you anything because you have the memory of an elephant.  You will bring up something I said in passing months before and hold me to it, or even more so you will point out some way a friend at school wronged you "yesterday" (last year) and use it as an excuse for a way you acted today.  Song lyrics, books, tv shows, you can recount back to me the plot after just one time.

You say you're going to be an engineer (because you want to come to work with ME all the time), but I don't think so.  You will likely be one of four things.  First, an attorney, a trial lawyer to be exact.  Because you argue up and down and use big words like "ridiculous" and have that crazy photographic memory.  Second, I can also see you in sales / marketing of some sort.  You are the opposite of shy and have a habit of sidling up to any adult you see and telling them your deepest darkest secrets, getting them to trust you. And you are an amazing liar.  I have to drag it out of you 3 or 4 times before I get the truth because your cover story and deadpan face is just that good.  So that trait could contribute to either of those potential careers.

There is a whole other side of you though, that leads me to think you could be a nurse/doctor/veterinarian or an actress.  You have such a caring way about you when you attend to your puppies, your dolls, and the affection you show to me (well lets face it everyone) is nothing but love.  You exude personality and are always coming up with something crazy that you just love and are so passionate about that you want to implement it into every aspect of your life- your artwork, pretend play, and stories.  Currently, Powerpuff Girls, My Little Pony Equestria Girls, Paw Patrol, Barbies, and of course the Disney Princesses (namely Jasmine) take the lead in all of your fun.  Let's not forget JEM, of course, whom after you themed your birthday party.  Though hesitant at first, you loved getting up and singing on the stage and totally got into the songs you knew well.  Every morning when there's a spare minute before school you and your brother are in the living room pounding away on the piano or fighting over the harmonica or karaoke machine.

Just this week you moved up to the Pre-K room at school, your very last transition ever, and I can barely contain myself.  Less than a year and a half and you'll be in kindergarten!  Having gotten stellar marks on your preschool progress report (including helping others and inclusiveness, which I LOVE to see), you were finally a bit challenged in your first day.  Even socially, it took some adjusting as you hovered around the classroom "queen bees" and decided you have your bff but the others you don't have time for because they say mean things to others like "stupid".  I'm proud of you for standing up to them and not allowing yourself to be intimidated, even being the youngest in the class.

We had your birthday party a week late because I was away for work on your real birthday weekend, but it was worth the wait.  You wanted a JEM themed party with singing and dancing on stage so we had it at a local performing arts company.  It was a bit awkward at first, as karaoke always is, but you and your friends got really into it and it was amazing and hilarious to watch.  You have such a spunky personality and a passion when you sing (even if you are a bit tone deaf just like me) that it entertains and enthuses everyone around.  All of your friends and their parents talked about your party with smiles on their faces, a great time had by all.  And when you're older and you're at a karaoke bar at 1:30 in the morning, with half of your friends wanting to leave for pizza, some wanting to keep singing, and a handful falling asleep, you'll understand just why you guys were so entertaining.  We love it!

Finally, my mommy guilt got to me for being away for your birthday and I made you a big promise which I delivered on just this past weekend.  We got your ears pierced.  You spend the entire week leading up to it talking to everyone about how excited you were and when Friday finally came you were ready.  You went to dance class even though you asked if we could skip it because you were so eager to get your ears done.  After dance you rushed me out, nervously talking about how if it would hurt that's ok because it's just a pinch.  When we got to the kiosk in the mall you spend a long time selecting the perfect pair of earrings to remain in your ears for 6-8 weeks.  I tried to guide you to some simple studs but you finally came to rest on a pair of gold princess crowns that had just enough sparkle in them.  We selected two other pairs to have after you could change them and gave everything to the lady to ring up.  You climbed up into the chair, excited but anxious and looked at the bowl of lollipops on the counter, reaching for one like you owned the joint.  When the ladies told you to go ahead you popped it in your mouth and didn't notice them approach with the guns.  They marked your ears with the markers and you proclaimed it didn't hurt at all.  We laughed and got right to the piercing.  For about 15 seconds you said "owie owiee owieeeee" then asked for the pretzel I promised you.  I proclaimed how beautiful you looked and told you about how brave you were since I'd cried when I got mine done when I was 5, and you included that little tidbit forever after in your response to people asking if it hurt when you got them done.  I love it how you were so proud that you didn't cry, my toughie.

Well munch, I think I've covered it all.  You are a big girl now, 4 years old.  Maybe you'll stop sucking your thumb like you've been promising for a year now? It's ok if you don't though, you know I'll always love you no matter what.  And I know, that no matter what you say to me during your little moments of angst (which I can't believe happen at this age already!), I'll just keep replaying your sweet little voice in my head I'm thankful for my family! I have the best family ever.  Best Mommy ever, best Daddy ever, best brother EVER.  Don't forget, YOU are the best too Lobster.  We love you more than you'll ever know.

Love,
Mommy

My favorite meal - mussels!

I get into the part when I play sleeping beauty

Creativity center... making markers!

Getting Blessings and God from my best girl!

Loving nights in with mommy and my brother. 

Yes.  That cake is made of krimpets and chocolate cupcakes. Gee, thanks mom. 

I LOVE jewelry making!

My Jasmine outfit is the BEST

What I chose to wear to school on the day we celebrated my birthday

My Aunt is the BEST for taking me all day on my birthday!

I love being at grandmom's too!

And i'm really not to shabby of an artist either... Powerpuff girls!

So excited for my JEM party

JEM is outrageous!

I'm really into it.

Happy Birthday to ME!

All my pals

These speak for themselves.  I may have started off timid, but I rocked it ;) 

Oddly enough, this turned out to be my favorite present, even though I have like 5,000 tents...

Dressing my girl up!

I love coming to mommy's work because I get my nails did...

And i run the machines...

And i make important crafts!

This one is BEAUTIFUL!

and I AM BEAUTIFUL, don't you think?!

Pretty princess crowns are just perfect for me...

Lots in a weekend - eyes, friends, pool, and bikes

This past weekend (I can still say that even though it's Thursday, right?), we were planning on laying low because hubs had quarter close and we just had lots of stuff to get done.  So Friday morning (one of the first Fridays in awhile I've had NO work to do), the kids and I woke up with an easy errand list to accomplish:  make cookie dough for an upcoming party, make pizza dough for the nights' dinner, head to Gobbles' eye dr appointment, pick up our fence permit, go grocery shopping, and come home and make pizza for dinner.

We finished up the kitchen prep pretty quickly after breakfast, giving the us a chance to play "netball" on the sunporch as the kids named it and build a fort in the family room.  After lunch we trekked down to the hospital for the anxiety-inducing semi-annual event that is Gobbles' eye exam.  I could tell they were hopping busy because the Dr. didn't even come in for the prior to dilation part, so they took down our recent changes and ran Gobbles through the steps of reading letters off the wall.  This time, the Lobster whispered her corrections to his missed letters in my ear as he misread.  He took his drops like a champ and we were sent back out to the waiting room for his pupils to grow.  

An hour later we were called back in for the moment of truth, but were forced to wait a little (45 minutes) longer in the tiny exam room.  The kids passed the time by practicing directions along the colored tiles, turning right and left as I instructed.  When that got old we played good old-fashioned whisper down the lane, where despite only having three people and loud whispers we still managed to mangle the sayings.  The doctor finally came in to exam my boy and gave us the first sigh of relief- not a significant change.  So the super expensive prescription swim goggles and rec specs we have for our activities can remain, while Gobbles will surely get another pair of regular glasses anyway since they're pretty beat up.  

Then came the discussion that returned that old lump to my throat and tears to the back of my eyes.  The doctor reminded me that next appointment, we'll have to schedule an additional specialist to discuss visual aids for future schooling.  Examples she brought up were a magnifying glass for desk work and a compact little telescope (like a pirate??) for auditorium gatherings.  My heart sank as I was once again hit with the reality that he won't just get to be a regular kid in class.  Not that I mind him sitting in the front of the room all the time, but having tools?  I can hear the jeers of future classmates now, stupid mean kids.  Anyway, I'm projecting again. 

The kids begged to play at the hospital playground when we left, and armed with my giant sunglasses to protect his light-sensitive dilated eyes, Gobbles was set.  While we were out there I got a text from a daycare mom saying she'd given her kids a home day today but now they were driving her nuts, so we agreed to meet up at a park closer to my house.  I dragged the kids off the playground with the promise of another playground, this time with friends, and home we drove.  At the new park, the kids ran and played and the mom and I chatted.  Surprisingly, the older two (Gobbles and the one we always call his girlfriend) were not feeling each other and got into a little tiff which the mom and I were cracking up at.  A few Gatorades later everyone was happy and we were making plans to go back to our house for pizza, the rest of our errand list put off to another day.

When we got home the dogs ran around excitedly at the unexpected company, I threw the pizza crust I'd made in the freezer (the other ingredients were still on the grocery list) and met the delivery guy in the driveway with some fresh hot ones just as the dad was walking up the driveway with a case of beer.  We all hung out on the sunporch eating pizza, drinking beers (or capri suns), and playing.  I gave myself a secret pat on the back for being spontaneous and not worrying about the state of the house before having company over, though I knew the busy mom with me probably didn't even notice. 

The next day, with hubs off to work after arriving home pretty late the night before, my sister came to the pool with the kids and I.  They showed off their swimming skills (jumping in skills?) while she did me a favor by watching them for a half hour while I swam laps.  Gobbles tried and tried to dive off the diving board, but each time jumped at the last minute. He and the Lobster demanded I show them how I dive (and a cannonball) so I did just that to the entertainment of the lifeguards.  After a few hours my sister was off to the shore and the kids and I got a text from hubs that he was on his way home - YIPPIE! 

We swung home to pick up hubs because we decided to hit up the bike race and associated festivities since he was now free.  There was a free kids' race to kick of the day, and we wanted to make it in time to register the kids.  I'm so thankful that hubs made it because I didn't realize they'd be in two different age groups at the start line, and waiting for the race to start took at least a half hour.  Hubs stuck with Gobbles while I hung out with the Lobster, who was not confident in her regular bicycle abilities so she opted to use a plasma bike instead.  

As soon as they said GO, my daughter transformed into something I've never seen before.  My always silly, bubbly, not a care in the world kid turned into this serious and determined racing machine.  At one point I told her to smile because her look was so intense I was afraid she'd pop a blood vessel.  When I showed a coworker the video later she said "oh wow, that's exactly how you are when you race".  Even though this woman has never seen me race, I think she's right, the Lobster took it so seriously and just had her eyes on the finish line, I'm so proud.  

We managed to get her medal and get situated at a spot beyond the finish line before Gobbles came down the road.  He held his own among a lot of kids that were bigger than him and was so proud of himself for "passing two kids" out of his 6 person group.  He did later emphasize that he really wants to try without the training wheels, and we will soon.  Things like that are number 1 on my working-mom guilt list.  Though he's worlds ahead on socialization and school type things, he's behind his non-daycare peers on things that he just doesn't have the time to do every day because he's just never home.  He'll get there though.  

Gobbles got his medal and the kids paraded around with their new bling proudly.  First we got a shaved ice to celebrate and then the kids made their way up and down the street to all of the usual town vendor booths, adding to our collection swag with more frisbees, flashlights, beach balls, and hand sanitizers, as if we didn't have enough.  We watched the adult tricycle competition before stopping into Iron Hill to see what kind of wait they had for dinner.  Shockingly, it was only 20 minutes (probably due to the outdoor beer garden and all of the festivities still going on) so we had a yummy dinner with custom bike race beers and the lobster eating half of my mussels after deciding she loved them.  

We came out shortly after the professional women's race began and managed to find a decent spot to watch a few laps.  As the kids got antsy we made our way closer to the finish line where we saw a fantastic finish with a 49 year old woman threading the needle at the last minute to pull off a win.  After the victory speech we made our way further down the road to watch the men's race begin.  It was amazing to see the start of the race as the field gets chopped when a biker gets lapped.  For the first few it was just a streak of bicycles providing a legitimate breeze each time they whirred by.  With 55 laps to go and the kids getting droopy eyed, we headed home with a stop for ice cream on the way (per the Lobster's request).  Pretty soon we were all in bed, ready for a lazy Sunday that consisted of grocery shopping, dog walking, and more bike riding.  

Hey mom, i'm really creative, let's call this "net ball"

Can you see me in the fort?

Whisper down the lane!

as K said "this is the best day EVER!"

Here we come, Aunt M!

Karate JUMP!

I LOVE the slide! Even when the water isn't working!

check out my form! I'm getting better...

ok Lobster, just tuck and Roll if you fall over!

my spiderman bike is cooler than YOUR spiderman bike!

Getting a pep talk from mommy!

Let's do this!

Whoo hoo! Now I can breathe!

Oh I'm ready dad!

We're like celebrities!

Check out this bling!

Yes. I'm eating mussels. Now more please!

The best swag we got - cowbells!!!

Wow they're so fast we can't see them!

If you listen closely, you can hear the announcer say "This girl is like

 the Truman Show, every moment of her life has been documented on that phone".  Very true, sir!

 and Gobbles is OFF!

Gobbles at the finish line.. here he comes on that spiderman bike!

Don't know if I'm elated or gassy, but I'm somewhere in that zone...

The length of my run can be measured by the position of the sun.
This was a 3 hour long 18 miler in November.

I turn 35 in 4 days.  Over a year ago I set a little goal for myself - to celebrate this milestone birthday, I want to run a marathon.  Not just any marathon, the happiest place on earth Disney Marathon.  Oh, and I want to do it 4 hours or less.  Because I'm crazy, and I don't want hubs to have all the bragging rights, since he will likely accomplish that goal.  In November I managed a half just shy of 1:55, so it's not completely impossible, the stars would just have to align for me to be feeling good physically, mentally, and emotionally the day of the race, which is a week from Sunday.

The journey to this race has been anything but easy.  I started out a year ago with a stress fracture and tendentious.  After some rest and healing, strength conditioning and cross training, I got myself a treadmill and a  good pair of running shoes and got to work.  The shoes have since been replaced twice over due to my sensitivity for wearing.  I began training for the Broad Street run, a race I've done twice before, in order to get a decent qualifying corral start for the marathon.  I began rewatching How I Met Your Mother on Netflix while the treadmill whirred, and as soon as the weather broke and it was light before 6am, I ditched my basement and took off into the hilly streets near my house.

I finished Broad two minutes shy of the my seven year old, pre-baby PR and 90 seconds behind my husband.  These 90 seconds have us seeded in two different corrals for the marathon, mine slated to finish between 4 hours and 4:10, so I'll have some catching up to do if I want to make goal.  At this point, I was running with Superfeet insoles in my shoes as well as a lift in my right because I have a leg length difference.  Not quite the bionic woman yet.

I took it pretty easy in the summer just maintaining mileage and building strength, then ramped training back up in August.  Every couple of weeks I seemed to be plagued by some ailment.  First came a bunion, so my foot doctor applied a dancer's pad to my left orthodic.  That caused my tendentious to flair up so I ditched that and added a support sleeve to my big toe instead.  Then came the shin splints.  I took a week off and worked on calf and hamstring strength and added compression sleeves for my legs.  Shortly after that came runners' knee, for which a bought a support band that didn't seem to work, so instead it was on to therapy and Naproxen.  I managed to wean both of them by mid-November for the half, and continued on my long training runs without incident. You know, besides taking up hours upon hours of my life running around all of creation.

December brought the 20 mile runs and freezing temperatures, leaving me soaking in a tub for post-run relief.  I got my last period 4 weeks to the hour before the marathon, so I know that will be factor #1 that I'm up against on race day.  #2 came last week, just as my taper began.  And boy was it #2, along with vomiting, the stomach bug that daycare had been passing around finally landed on me, run down and stressed out.  I managed to be ok by Christmas; however, I still had a dull stomachache.  After a week off of running because of the bug I attempted my 14 miler on Saturday and almost vomited after 5.  Same with 4 miles on the treadmill yesterday, so off to the doctor I went.  Gastritis.  Wait any longer and it's an ulcer.  So my taper is no accompanied by two different medications along with a bland carbo-load and no alcohol (which could be a good thing).  The long-term weather report is currently showing rain for race day, and I'm just hoping God throws me a bone.

Despite all of this, I am anxious and giddy to get down to Orlando and finish this race with a smile on my face.  My playlist is ready to play specific songs as I run through the parks.  I'm still in the midst of deciding whether I should Disney-fy a run outfit to go with the spirit or just go with my typical gear for efficiency.  All I know is that I better decide soon, because those start-line fireworks are ready to go off, and I'm ready to scratch this off my bucket list and never do it again :)

I might have missed logging some treadmill runs, but for 2014 my runmeter says I've spent 91 hours, 59 minutes, and 36 seconds running 578.8 miles.  Yes, I definitely could use a nap.

Before the half

After the half.  Did I mention I peed myself?  Really, not
even just a little bit.  But in the last quarter mile my body just lost all control.
and now the whole 4 people who read this blog know it too.

That's my boy

A few weeks ago I drove Gobbles to his last soccer game of the season, in sub-40 degree weather.  Are you excited for your last game, buddy?  I asked.

No!  was his reply. I don't want this to be my last game, I want at least three or four more!

Hearing this, I felt bad for him, but part of me elated that he found something he loves to do, at least for now.  And I was even more proud that it's a hobby in which I still partake.  I assured him that he could play next season and that I would play with him any time he wanted. 

Now, I'm not trying to put him on a pedestal or create unreachable expectations for the future -I'm certainly not one of those moms who will live out my sports glory through my children, like I said before, I still play for myself- but my son is good.  At least in his peer group.  There was one kid on the team, a second child with an older brother, who was a complete phenom - scoring goal after goal and dribbling up the field with coordination that I could only dream of.  But, my Gobbles was the next one to control the ball.  He had at least 1 goal every game, sometimes 2, plus a few steals and runs down the field.

Each time he came out of the swarm of kids dribbling the ball towards the net, we cheered and clapped like it was a game-winner.  And the joy on his face as his coach gave him a high five was enough to make my weekend.

We started out the season not even being able to get him to wear his sports goggles (as required by his eye doctor), and we feared he would be behind with the limited peripheral vision they allow due to the magnitude of the prescription.  It didn't seem to matter, as our boy found a way.  On a team of kids he didn't know, most of whose parents were friendly with each other already, my guy made a little name for himself, and I couldn't be prouder.

The first day of soccer - kid doesn't even know what he's getting into!

Sure - we'll let the lobster in the picture...

First time dribbling

Just takin' a break!

Any closer to the coach and you're sitting on top of him!

All right!

Last game of the season... it's a little chilly for soccer.

Good thing i can play without taking my hands out of my pockets!



Mommy brought her good camera today to get me in the action!

Move over, Gobbles is comin' through!

Wow my legs are pasty!

Hey look - a plane!

i have no problem shoving a girl...

Here we go!

Hi, Mom!

And THAT's how it's done. Yup - daddy had the camera at this point and
didn't get a picture of me actually scoring...

Go, gobbles, Go!

Wow this is cool!

Proud guy with his medal

Oh - everyone gets a medal!

Attitude is everything!