To the Big Elementary School Guy

This was written last week during one of my insomnia nights worrying about my

Dear Gobbles,

We are less than a week before first grade begins and I'm alternating between excitement and tears at the thought of you growing up and hitting the school on your own. Kindergarten was a nice transition in that I didn't see your teacher every day anyway since you took the van, but I still got my Friday face time with her just to see how you were. But this will be so much different, this is the big time.

Your kindergarten graduation was so emotional for me, I think because we've spent 6 years with some of these families, our village, and we've all helped each other through crazy times. I'm lucky that some will stick around at least through your sister leaving pre-k with the siblings, but at the same time so sad that the relationships will change from daily interactions.

You, however, rocked your Kindergarten year and the graduation. You learned to read and went beyond in math. You stuck tight with your buddies but even branched out to some new friends, and came out of school with a confidence that only 5th year seniors have. You've done your summer reading, but for that pesky paragraph you have to write, probably more mommy's procrastination than yours. Even your reading comprehension is coming along- we're halfway through the 2nd Harry Potter book and each time we pick it back up you are able to recall the pertinent details of the previous chapter. You also try to make predictions on what's going to happen and explain why. Since we know the spoilers Daddy and I just let you go with your theories until they're revealed in the reading.

This summer I've seen your transition from a little boy into a big boy. You help out with your chores (although sometimes begrudgingly), you fly across the monkey bars with the ease of a ninja, and you have free reign at the pool to swim, dive, tread, do anything you want and I am confident that you are totally fine. You keep reminding you that one time I mentioned you should get an allowance when you start first grade.  You've started watching Big Brother with me and actually pay attention to what is going on and who is "on the block" (I'm so sorry for dragging you into the dark side of reality t.v.). And speaking of the dark side, you're not phased by and of the horrors in and Star Wars, actually cheer when Kylo Ren kills Han Solo (should I be worried?), and for the 2nd Halloween in a row want to be a bad guy with a lightsaber.

Last weekend, we were at the beach, and the third and final day the water was particularly calm yer frigid. After I declared myself spent in the water (it literally took my breath away it was so cold), you said, "that's fine mom, I can float by myself". And you took your boogie board and did just that. I sat in my chair about a hundred yards from the waters edge and watched, half proud, half petrified. Not soon after, you were joined by a girl who introduced herself the day before (9 years old!) and spend the morning riding waves with her. When I finally came to get you out of the water there was another little boy who you'd made friends with too chatting you up the whole way up the beach. We got home that night and Daddy asked how the beach was (he'd been home with the dogs), and your sister in a sing-songy voice started talking about your girrrrlllfriend. I've never see you so embarrassed. It seems that was a little tidbit you wanted to keep to yourself. I can't believe you are already at an age that you don't want to tell us everything!

Well buddy, you're starting a new phase in your life, and at times it may not be as easy as school has been. I'm not concerned at all about you academically, I know you'll do great if you just keep working hard and not rush through everything- you're very smart, but you have to pay attention to what you're doing. The friendships you've had for so many years may change, and the way you interact with each other in a real school environment will be different. It's the big time now, and you're back to being one of the little guys. Just be confident in yourself and don't take to heart what anyone says. I know I know easier said than done.

I'm so proud of you, I'm a little anxious for you, I'm sad that you're growing up, I'm eager for you to learn, and most of all I'm excited for your new adventure! I love you so much Gobbles!

Love,
Mom

P.S.  Well we survived our first day yesterday, and I have to admit, although you've been in school for 6 years now, I spent more time wondering what you were up to yesterday than I did the whole time you were at daycare.  I don't know why, because you did incredibly.  You had your boys with you and you branched out and introduced yourself.  You inserted yourself into a conversation to defend someone, and you loved music class and recess.  I can't wait to go to back to school night and find out what everything is all about.  Thanks for being a good kid, buddy!

For my children. And yours.

Over the past two days I have been brought to tears on numerous occasions by sentiment and hope because history is in the making right now.  I'm taking a step outside the everyday goings-on in our household for just a moment and finding myself glued to the tv and internet to soak in all I can on the Supreme Court hearings regarding DOMA and California's Proposition 8.

It's hard to articulate just why I'm so interested. 

Personally, in my bubble right now, judgments either way would not affect my everyday life.  I am acquainted with a couple in my outer circle who, having been married just over a year and recently had a baby, would benefit immensely should these laws be deemed unconstitutional.  However, an outsider looking in on my world would ask Why do you care??

I'll tell you why.  Perhaps part of it is just being on the right side of history.  Perhaps it's as simple as the fact that I'm a human being, and was born with innate empathy.

Or, perhaps, it is for my children, my future, our whole country's future. 

Since they are just 3 and 1, I have no idea what my son's sexual preference is, nor my daughter's gender identity.  They could be straight, gay, bisexual, transgendered, whatever.  All I know is that I love them.  No matter what.  I couldn't imagine an scenario in which I would not love them with my whole heart and soul.  It pains me to read about people cast off from their loved ones because of who they are.  Because of who they LOVE.

And because I love my children, should they end up being what society deems "different", I believe they should be afforded the same benefits from marrying the person they love as I am afforded being married to their father. 

I don't want to delve too deeply into the whole religious aspect, but since I was raised Catholic and still try to identify myself as somewhat "faithful", I feel the need to comment.  I was sheltered.  For 12 years in Catholic school, surrounded by teachers hammering what they considered right and wrong into our heads about sex, marriage, and other things, the word gay developed a negative connotation to me.  I was an ignorant teenager pointing out when I didn't like something "Oh that's so gay" or snickering with my friends about the lesbian teacher or softball coach "Ew she must want us".  Looking back, I'm so ashamed to have acted that way, and embarrassed that I didn't know any better. 

As I have grown into my own now, I realize how ridiculous it is that a religion that calls for you to love others as you love yourself would encourage such hate, discrimination, and basically obstruct one's ability to express their love.  As Christians, "we" should not impede others' road to happiness just because "we" disagree, especially when there is no adverse effect on said Christians' lives if the happiness is achieved.  I don't see those of the Jewish faith demanding that all non-Kosher restaurants be shut down because it is against what the Torah teaches.  They simply choose not to eat there.  And Christians who believe gay marriage is against what the bible says can simply choose not to be married to a same-sex partner.  They shouldn't dictate what the rest of the population does. 

No matter what level of faith my children are raised on, I will teach them tolerance first.  They will love their friends for who they are and what kind of character they have.  I want them to treat others as they want to be treated, and hold their peers to a similar level.  I hope that they will choose a partner with similar values - real values such as kindness, loyalty, trust. 

I spent more time than I'd like to admit on Sunday watching MTV air retro episodes of the Real World, San Francisco.  I cannot believe it's been nearly 20 years since my freshman friends and I watched this, Pedro's struggle for gay rights.  Back then it was all so new to us, something seemingly unheard of before (again- sheltered).  Though some progress has been made, it seems awfully slow-going that if Pedro were to die today, his husband Sean would still not be afforded the spousal benefits he would deserve.  It's about time for a change.

Last year we attended a wedding for close friends of ours where my husband was a groomsman, and joyfully celebrated the love of this amazing couple.  They are one of those couples that are just overall sweeties and treat each with such love and respect that you can't help but be positive when you're around them.  To think that the generation before us fought for couples like this one, a black man and a white woman, to get married with no barriers gives me hope. 

Hope that my children will know nothing other than equality among both heterosexual and homosexual marriage.  Hope that our generation can achieve something positive for the history books.  And hope for simply freedom - freedom of love and marriage for all.