tick, tock

tick tock tick tock. that's all i've been hearing in the back if my head. my time at home is quickly coming to an end. less than a week now, and the more i try to embrace every little thing, the more anxious i become. last night i was crying in bed, and h tried to comfort me- it's not like he's joining the army, he's going to daycare! i know that duh. but he just doesn't get it. what if gobbles wakes up from a nap looking for me, and can't find me? what if he spends so much time there that he no longer thinks of me as the main person in his life? what if something bad happens, like those horror stories you see on the news? i don't even want to go there...

and what about the puppies? lame to worry about them too, i know, but still. my poor lil babies haven't gotten the attention they need as it is, what will happen when i only have a few hours each day?

and my body? pshh forget it. i definitely didn't exercise as much as i should have during my time off, and now there will be no time for that. but i have to do something. the diet is completely stalling, and i have like 2 outfits that fit. i was shopping yesterday for a suit (for an interview - prayers please!) and not even XL blouses were fitting. during my crying rant last night i went off about that too. as much as i make jokes about my boobs being giant, deep down i really hate it. i mean really, G-H is like a friggan porn star, i'll take my old DD back and promise i won't complain. i talked about giving up breastfeeding just so they'd go down, but what if they don't? and regardless i'm going to have all this extra skin making them a hot mess, stuffing them into some kind of super support old lady definitely not sexy bra. i know i want to get them reduced after kids, but do i even want to wait that long?

and why am i crying about myself when i know that the whole reason im upset is change. i do not deal well with change unless im the one controlling it. i know everything will work out fine, but it's just hard to envision now. especially because we can't even settle into a nice routine yet with me flying to houston first thing monday morning. way to let me ease back into it, assholes.

ok. i actually feel better having gotten that out. i can do this. in the meantime, i've got to complete weeks' worth of tasks that i put off until now (oh i've got such a long leave, plenty of time to do that), including baby portraits, appointments, filling in the pages of the baby book, doing the final enrollment meeting with daycare, and getting the damn house cleaned.

yesterday we had gobble's 4 month checkup a little early (as part of the to do list). he is growing like a champ and took his shots like a little man. still 17 lbs (i swear i weighed him at that a month ago, but their scale is more accurate i suppose), and now 25.5" tall. the doctor was amazed at how he was supporting his weight on his legs already, joking that he's trying to walk already. i know she was just joking, but just hearing that made me want to take my gobbles, and run away to a land where we wouldn't age, just to pause for a little while. where are jacob and richard alpert when you need them?

well i should probably get some stuff done before he wakes up from his nap, i'll have plenty of time to be on this computer in a week, so time to enjoy the freedom to put it down now! i promise the next post will be more happy, all puppies and rainbows!