A lot can change in a year, part 3: The Baby!

this picture has nothing to do with this post, just took it this morning and thought it was funny!

so, now i get to talk about the fun part! i was having a baby, i was ready, i was HUGE, i was huffing and puffing up the stairs, i wasn't sleeping anymore, i was working from home on the couch in my sweatpants, i was having braxton hicks contractions all the time, but still, he didn't feel like showing up just yet. before i get into all the gory details, i'd like to preface that nothing here really that bad. sure, in the moment it seemed like the end of the world, but looking back that feeling was so temporary that it's just a small flash in the big picture. this is a case where the ends definitely justify the means. it probably helps that i'm writing today on a full nights' sleep because my baby slept... well, like a baby... for almost 9 hours last night. therefore you'll get more of a blissful perspective.

i'll start at 39 weeks, 3 days pregnant. the weekly checkup went exactly the same as those previous. a fingertip dialated, zero effacement. i was told to see where the week takes me, and if i returned for another appointment we would talk induction. i was a little unhappy with this report, especially since i'd been having irregular contractions for a week already, and had heard from just about everyone who saw me and my extra 45 lbs that i was ready to pop, definitely going to go early. i'd given my husband permission to go to the phish concert the next day, provided that they all kept their cell phones ready and alert should i go into labor. as sis-in-law and i hung out at my house, we were so sure something would happen we just stared at my bulbous belly the whole time. a watched pot never boils.

the day after the concert was thanksgiving, and i don't remember much, just that my mom hosted since we expected to be in the hospital. i went over bright and early that day to cook the turkey. as the day wore on and it was apparent that this baby was staying put, i got moodier and moodier, somehow my family put up with me. each day thereafter kind of went like that. i even went dress shopping with my engaged sister on my due date! finally after the weekend i got to my 40+ week appointment, where it was the same old story. the dr attempted to thin me out a little bit with a rough internal, ugh. she sent me on my way, wishing me luck that the contractions would turn into something. she gave me instructions to go for a nonstress test on thursday, then call the hospital the upcoming sunday night to make sure there was room to admit me for induction, and sent the paperwork over to the hospital.

induction? no way! i didn't want any drugs, nothing. nope, i was going au natural. my mother, even my father told me, you are nuts, just get the epidural. "no no," i said, "NO drugs". so, after i got home i turned to my trusty friend the internet to figure out how to get this baby out sooner. i took long walks. did jumping jacks. baked "labor" cookies consisting of cayanne pepper and more nasty things. did the deed with hubs. hooked myself up to the breastpump for nipple stimulation (ouch! when there's no milk. i do not recommend this). i did all of these things, plus bitched and moaned to anyone who would listen. then i just stopped answering my phone and emails from people (mostly from my mom), "is the baby here yet??!! how do you feel?" NO! the baby is NOT here. how do you THINK i feel? i don't know how i didn't end up friendless and divorced, i was that horrible.

meanwhile, during the nonstress test, (which took place on my 4 year anniversary!) baby's heartrate was good but my fluid was "on the low side of normal". they had to monitor me again 24 hours later to make sure i didn't lose any more fluid, and they deemed me good to go since it was only a few more days until the induction.

by saturday, at 41 weeks, i was resolved to the fact that going into labor on my own wasn't going to happen. but it was ok by then, becuase within the next 48 hours, surely i'll have my baby! i told my boss the day before, guess what, i'm actually not going to work next week! sunday was a good day, h and i cooked up a good last meal, i called the hospital and they said yup there's room, c'mon in. so we get there, all psyched up to go, i've got my pillow and my suitcase, let's get this show on the road. the nurse brings us into the room, and goes to get the paperwork. "um, gobblesmom, is it? yes you're not down for tonight, you're on for tomorrow night". WHAT. THE. FUCK. no no, here i have it written down, sunday night for a monday baby! i have low fluid! i need this baby out!! the nurse could sense my impending tears, told me she'd see what she could do. in the meantime they'd check the heartrate so i should get into the bed. when she came back, she told me sorry but there's nothing she can do, they already had x inductions scheduled for the next day, no room for me. baby was doing fine, so he can wait another day.

dejected and somewhat humiliated, we left. by the time we got back to the car, i was bawling, then hysterical. i remember hubs freaking out on the parking attendant who said no credit cards only cash, but then not having change for a 20. i don't remember much more of the ride home, or the next day, or even heading to the hospital the next night. it was kind of a funky, impatient haze. i think we laid low and watched movies all day.

so, finally, monday night, go time. again i forget my last meal, but i know it was around 5. i get in, the dr. feels me up, "about 7 1/2 lbs i'd say", and sends in the nurse to administer the Cervadil, since i was only about 20% effaced. at that point, i'm done eating and drinking. permission only for ice chips and ice pops until after baby. after i'm settled in and ready to sleep, i sent h home to care for the pups, since the cervadil needed a few hours to start working anyway. i slept a bit, but not really much because i was anxious and contracting, but nothing to the point of crazy yet.

early morning i get checked, "hmm. your cervix is still thick, let's do another round of cervadil". fine. meanwhile, hubs has arrived and was fending of phone calls from my mother. "how is she? what's going on? where is my grandson?!!" after my morning dose of wendy williams, they checked me again and still wasn't good enough for their standards. so they administered cytotec. apparently this drug is typically taken orally to relieve ulcers, yet this was administered to me in another way. i later learned that this is NOT a recommended use for this drug (thanks again google). i hope to god they didn't mess anything up down there by doing this, but i'm supposed to trust the doctors right? anyway, a few hours, let's say late afternoon tuesday, the contractions became stronger and regular. i was officially "in labor."

finally, i thought, they can start the pitocin (which would help dialate me). not yet apparently. since i was contracting so well on my own, the doctors decided to let me ride with it, thinking i'll dialate without it. i was cool with that, if i could do it on my own that works for me. i was able to get out of bed, walk around a little bit, sit on the birthing ball. everything i had pictured for my natural labor. i made hubs run home to change his clothes, let the dogs out, and get something to eat. he came back with a wawa hoagie which i could have killed him for, but was glad he made it back quickly. they brought a cot in for him and i got an ambien so i could try and sleep thru some contractions.

about 3 am wednesday, i woke up and puked. bile of course because i had long digested my last meal from monday night. then i had a contraction so bad i felt like i had to pee, so i got out of bed, did so, and got back in and fell asleep. 5 minutes later, same thing. over and over this cycle went, until maybe 6 am. hubs (who was a saint, cleaning up my puke bucket because the nurses were busy delivering babies who wanted to come out) said he cleaned it at least 2 dozen times. the nurse checked on me in during this and i was only about 1-2 cm. finally, i couldn't take it anymore. i was dizzy from not having eaten or really slept in 36 hours, and with the amount of progress i'd had i knew it was going to be a long day. i asked the nurse if i could have an epidural.

somewhere around 9ish the anesthesiologist showed up, my hero. i know it was somewhat painful, but at this point the puking was the most annoying thing to me, so the epi wasn't bad. this was the worst part for hubs, who just about passed out as they fished it into my spine. bit within minutes, i started to lose all feeling from the waist down. it was heavenly. the puking stopped and the contractions slowed. they administered pitocen soon after - apparently my contractions got too frequent during the night that the couldn't give pitocen until they slowed again, because that makes them even stronger. so if i hadn't asked for the epi, who knows how long i'd have been there! after that i became pretty pleasant. i even fielded a phone call from a friend, wondering if i was still alive because i'd been in the hospital for two days. by noon i was 4 cm and chilling just watching tv.

i think around 2 or 3 pm the nurse checked me and i was 8 cm! hubs started calling our family to let them know baby is FINALLY on his way. for real, not for fake! sometime after 4 the nurse came in and declared me ready to push. she told hubs to grab a leg (i don't think he was expecting this!) and told me to go for it. just kind of do crunches. piece of cake. the doctor came in an hour later with the vacuum and it felt like she was there for 5 minutes. there's the head! another nurse ran in and told the dr that a woman 29 weeks with twins being brought in. she told me to push a little more. hubs told me later that the dr had to give me an episiotomy to get the kid out, my little guy had some broad shoulders, just a quick flash of the scalpel. and, just like that, at 5:37 pm, 46 hours after i was admitted to the hospital, there was my gobbles, screaming loud and clear. WOW he's big, at least 9 lbs! said the nurse. the dr delivered the placenta quickly and was gone, off to take care of the emergency.

funny, but i don't remember a lot from the moments after his birth. i saw hubs tearing up, i asked which name we should pick, he said, i think he looks like a gobbles. i agreed. before they could even clean up the blood, our families were in there, so excited to meet this long awaited treasure. i was in such a daze, it was like a dream. it could have been the lack of food or sleep, the drugs, or just the euphoria of the moment, but i was just out of it. i didn't cry, i was just relieved that he was here, happy and healthy. i think the first moment i fell in love with this child was actually the next day, before hubs got there, while i was snuggling with him after i fed him, just having some quiet time.

i didn't have a thanksgiving baby. i didn't go natural. i didn't poop on the table. i didn't get my body back... yet. i didn't have a guinness in the hospital (though my sister, bless her, actually brought it for me, i just wasn't up for it). there were so many things i didn't plan for. but i wouldn't change a thing. and i'd do it again. just give me a year or two.