3 Months!

Dear Lil Lobster Roll,

It's always bittersweet writing these letters to you and Gobbles at your milestone ages. It makes me realize how your time as a baby is fleeting. In fact, the very first letter I wrote was over two years ago when your big brother turned three months. I can't believe it!

You are growing so incredibly quick, already wearing 6 month clothes and size 2 diapers! You are always smiling and laughing, especially when mommy, daddy, or big brother come into the room. I've even seen you sneak a smirk at the puppies, as if you guys are sharing a special secret. You look at everything with wonder and curiosity and dart your head around when you hear excitement from different corners of the room.

Tummy time is not as torturous anymore, and each time you're on your mat I feel like it will be the time when you roll over- you are so close! When you're on your back you're content to kick all the toys hanging from your mat in order to make as much noise as possible.

That noise, oh the noise! I've never heard a baby chat so much! Ooohs and Aaaahhs and the occasional Eeeee which I know is you straining to say "mommeeeee"! You love to be heard, and even though you have that ear piercing scream twice a day when you're ready to sleep, it's music to my ears to hear you so animated.

You sleep better at 90 days old than your brother does at almost 900 days, so well that I don't mind waking up to feed you the few nights a week you request me.  And by request I mean let out one quick whine then wait patiently for me to come in, always greeting me with a gummy grin, tongue half sticking out.  As long as you're swaddled you can pass out anywhere, anytime and sleep for hours. When you had your first day of school this week, I was proud to tell them that you've already put yourself on a schedule.

That's right lady- school! You're there a few days this week to give it a try while mommy runs around to appointments and oil changes. You had a great first day yesterday and I'm sure it will keep up! Your brother told us how he looked in on you during the day. You know you've made it when you have Gobbles' stamp of approval.
Personality-wise, you are all you're Daddy so far.  Relaxed, laid back, and if the TV is on you are glued to it, able to tune out anything else around you.  I don't mind that you're exactly like him, especially since your brother is Mommy - drama drama island all the way!

Tonight when I was finished feeding you, and we were rocking in your room in the dark (the power was out because people in the neighborhood don't know how to trim trees properly), we were listening to your Daddy read Gobbles his bedtime stories in the other room.  You just kept smiling at me and laughing at their silliness.  I kept kissing your cheeks and your nose and your forehead telling you that I love you to pieces, because I seriously feel like my heart could burst into a million pieces every time i squeeze you and kiss you, my precious little girl!

Now that I've spilled my heart let's sop up my tears with a photo montage.  Until next time little one, I love you so much. 

Love,
Momma

I'm not really trying to roll Mommy - I'm straining to see the TV...

Ahh that's better.

Ok this is a little too close - getting ridiculous now!

This old guy is the one you had a crush on in high school?  Wow Mom!

See my tongue?  HAHA

Don't forget my smile!  I'm up to something!

LISTEN TO ME!

What IS that amazing creature?

All right.  ready. to. roll.

Three months old but still in hand-me-down jeans!

And i still need a lil help sitting up!

But I need no help busting out my killer smile.  AGAIN!

I'm just a little princess, waiting with my other princess on my first day of school!



And sitting in my big brother's chair. Shhhh.  Don't tell him!

Overheard from the backseat...

-Mommy, I like SEPTA buses, but ambulances are my favorite.
Aren't fire trucks your favorite?
No- we are all out of fire trucks.  We need to go to the Grocery store to buy more fire trucks.

- Look Mom, see the cherry blossoms?  They're pink.  They're pretty.  Oh LOOK - MORE cherry blossoms!

- Where'd Chase go?  He went home from school too.  Just look at all these cars going to work!  And no picking my nose.

- (as our car rolls through a yellow-turning-red light) We have to STOP because the light turned red. 

- Mommy look over there, that police car just turned left (correct!)

- (as Bad Romance is playing on the radio) Mommy, I don't want this Gaga, I want Poker Face!

Please!  That's my big brother saying all that... Duh - though I started talking I can't use real words yet!  Gimme a coupla months :)

Sweet Relief

I think I'm finally on my way.  I've slept through the night three times this week (not including the 4am feeding for lil lobster roll), but after the feeding?  I was able to fall back asleep.  It was glorious, I haven't fallen back asleep after waking up around 3-4 am since October.  October, when things got drastically shuffled around at work and I ended up reporting to the biggest (literally and figuratively) scumbag in the world.  The first time he screamed at me I went into the bathroom and cried.   Same with the second, and the third.  When he changed my schedule that I had been working for 18 months just to be a jerk, I took it in stride and told myself just 12 more weeks, 11 more weeks, 10 more weeks until leave.

The first time I talked to HR was November first.  I was very even-keeled about this discussion and talked about the jerk's inability to effectively communicate what he wants, changing his mind on a whim after days of effort had been put into a project, and cutting deals with my vendors that undermined my authority.  I brought up that his approach and demeanor to any request he would make of me was unprofessional and rude, and given his history for throwing people under the bus and getting them fired (my predecessor was still involved in a lawsuit for wrongful termination), I had become fearful of making my own decisions or doing what is right because I was afraid he would fire me.  HR noted the email I sent and stuck their head back in the sand.

Two weeks later, I forwarded them an email where he threw around terms like "please apply yourself" to correct problems that he caused, but pinning them on me and trying to indicate to our higher ups (who were copied on the emails) that it was me screwing everything up.

The week before Christmas was a week from hell.  I documented three straight days of harassment, including a verbal tirade that got so loud and heated that was overheard by a woman who works for our client.  She was so concerned for me and my physical well being that she walked me out of the building that evening.  Next day included the scum referring to maternity leave as vacation and disciplining me for refusing to climb a ladder onto the roof (I was 35 weeks pregnant at this point).  On the third day he was actually waiting for me at my cube to scream at me some more, over ridiculous things like teaming up with other departments to resource their experts (example - I'm not a mechanic, and there was a mechanical problem with the fans a contractor installed.  I asked the mechanics to be with us when we looked at the fan so they can agree / disagree with the diagnosis).  Basically the man screamed at me for trying to look into problems, things he most likely was behind and wanted covered up.  This last one occurred less than 4 feet from HR and the scum's boss, yet everyone is so used to his asshole demeanor that they didn't notice at all. 

After Christmas week HR finally told the scum that he wasn't allowed to speak to me unless his boss was present.  To me this was too little too late.  Especially because in my remaining weeks there, the scum turned his wrath on the poor young new hire who was hired to help out while I was gone.  I resolved to myself that I had too much self respect to ever work for this scum again.

The icing on the cake was that when I come back from leave I will likely have to work the ridiculous schedule the scum proposed - 3 pm to midnight 5 days a week.   These people have no clue.   I am a professional, and I don't have to stand for it.  They were FLOORED when I called them yesterday to tell them I won't be coming back.  Who in their right mind would think a mother of two would re-enter an environment like that?  And yes, I waited until less than a week before my return date to tell them.  I had to make sure all my disability and vacation pay had been taken care of.  (don't get me started on how screwed up the disability was for awhile!).  I figured it was the least I could do after what they put me through.  Hubs wanted me to wait until the day I was supposed to report and not show up.  I just wanted to sever my ties as soon as possible.

24 hours before that awkward phone call was placed yesterday is when I got it.  My sweet relief.  I got the offer letter that I trust will change my life.  Or at least my stress level.  Six weeks ago I contacted my old boss from my job prior ('07-'10) and asked about some connections he had to a small consulting firm in the area.  I had loved what I was doing at my old job but the travel didn't make it feasible.  This small firm does the same kind of work, and some travelling, but they don't move you out to a jobsite like my prior company.  He connected me to the owner of the firm and we proceeded to have meetings, phone calls, and negotiations that resulted in this: 

I am now a proud part-time working momma!

Things could not have gone any more perfectly.  There will be some travel involved, but 3-4 days a month, tops.  (and is it bad to say a little part of me is looking forward to those "nights off" even though I love and will miss my babies desperately?).  My base work will be Mon-Thurs 8 hours a day, with occasional need for extra hours... BUT, the majority of the work can be done at home.  So, sick kid?  No prob!  Trip to the shore?  No prob!  Activity at the kids' daycare?  No prob - I can do the work in the evening at home!  A year ago if someone had asked what my ideal job would be, this is it.  I'll be using my brain again doing forensic engineering and project management consulting, and maybe a few stints with expert testimony.  It is worth every penny of the paycut needed to accommodate a shortened work week, because no money is worth what I went through the last 6 months. 

I'm starting to regain faith that God really does have a plan... if our house had sold and we had splurged on the new one, we may not have been able to afford me taking this job.  But now we can take a second look at our budget and iron down exactly what we can get... So now, maybe showing number 60 (*cringe!*) will bring us some luck. 

In the meantime, I'm just so happy to have more chances to have radom moments like this:

The best part of helping Mommy in the kitchen!!

Or This:

Just a Spring Day

Yesterday I woke up to the sound of Gobbles whining... he did NOT want to go to school when Daddy woke him up to get dressed.  He has a new habit of screaming for whoever isn't making him cry at the moment.  When I put him in timeout he cries for Daddy.  When we both discipline him he cries for Grandmom.  There was one day he cried for his teacher.  Yesterday was no different - Mommmmmmy! I want Mommy I hear from the other room.  Hubs responded that I was asleep.  Lil Lobster Rolllllll!   Yes, next I hear, Gobbles is screaming for his baby sister - I love it! 

Since it was going to be a beautiful day and my time left on leave is limited, I figured why fight it, let the kid stay home.  We warned him he was missing pizza day but he didn't care... so I told him, ok but Mommy wants to sleep in a bit - come on into bed.  We do this a lot on the weekends - bring Gobbles into our bed at 7 am so we can take our time waking up.  He will lay there and if we close our eyes he'll explore one of our faces - tug on my ear, stick his hand in my mouth, or poke a finger up my nose... that's usually enough to get me up.  Usually when I open my eyes his big brown eyes are right there, curiously looking at me before he breaks out into a huge smile.  Yesterday when I finally opened my eyes for him, no less than 5 minutes after we resolved to "sleep in", he whispered Mommy I want my breakfast?  And just like that, it was time to start our day.

The Lil Lobster Roll was still sleeping as I had just fed her the hour prior, so I got Gobbles all settled watching Barney and eating Cheerios before going to take care of his sister.  We had a low key morning in front of the TV as I finished up some chores.  Gobbles decided to make nice with the Lobstah by reading the letters on her shirt to her and telling her not to cry during tummy time.  He's getting to be so good with her.

When she went down for a nap we decided to dye Easter Eggs.  (I had quickly hard boiled some during breakfast so they'd be ready to dye by midmorning).  Besides trying to drink the vinegar, Gobbles did great.  He carefully selected each egg to be a particular color, then helped roll them around in the cup to get the color to stain.  After we set them to dry, he got a little impatient and began picking them up, running the dye all over.  Nonetheless, we had a blast.  After they dried he put a few stickers on but quickly got bored with that - he'd much rather pepper someone's shirt with stickers than an egg!  Later that day as we walked through the kitchen, the dyes were still sitting in their cups.  Ooohhh Mommy - look at the pretttty colors!   haha.

I managed to give Gobbles lunch while his sister was sleeping too, and even gave in to his request for extra Wheat Thins - his favorite snack!  We had a very sarcastic conversation about where things are...
- Gobbles: Mommy, where'd Daddy go?
- Me:  I don't know?  Is he under the table? 
- Gobbles:  Noooooo
- Me: Is he hiding behind Spoonsie Bear?
- Gobbles: Noooo... he's at work!  Crunchin the numbers!
- Mommy, where'd the wheat thins go?
- I don't know Gobbles, where are the what thins?
- They're in my Belly!!!
This conversation went on and on about the dogs, the baby, and back to Daddy again.  I love the way he cracks himself up!

Gobbles then had a successful nap...too bad I couldn't time them to nap together... during his nap the Lobastah was mostly up, eating and chatting away with me - lots of coos and giggles!  When he woke up Cannoli ran to the door aching to get in, so I decided to send him and watch the fun from the monitor.  I only wish I recorded it.  Oh look - it's cohlie!  Hi Cohlie!  - Cannoli proceeded to lick him up and down - Ahh Cohlie you give me kisses!  hahaha!  - Then Cannoli jumped off the bed and started sniffing around the room - Cohlie where'd you go?  Cohlie what are you doing down there?  Get out of there!! (sounds like he's been listening to us yell at the dogs too much!).

After the nap we got ready to go to the playground.  This involved taking the dogs out for potty first and I always check with Gobbles when I'm doing a chore - do you want to come with mommy or stay on the couch?  He wanted to stay on the couch with his snack, so I carried the fussy baby out, leashed up the dogs, and went out into the yard.  All of the sudden I hear Mommy, come back inside! I turn around to see Gobbles standing in the driveway with his snack bowl still in hand.  Sometimes I forget that he's so old he can open doors and go in and out of the house as he pleases.  Oh my big boy.

Anyway, we made it to the park and again Gobbles amazed me with just how big he's become.  Still not a fan of the swings, he didn't really spend too much time at his usual spinning wheel or even on the slide.  All he wanted to do was run and climb.  The monkey bars are all of the sudden a favorite, but he doesn't have the strength to swing across yet.  This gave me a workout because I was already holding the baby in the sling strapped to my chest, so in order to help Gobbles across the bars I had to reach out and use just arms to lift him.  Who needs post baby workouts when you're lifting two kids at a time?  Gobbles loved it though, and only took a break for a second to run under the play set and show some 7 year old girls how good he is at rolling.  A little ladies' man apparently. 

Dirty and exhausted, we left the park just as hubs was getting home and Gobbles had dinner (he did NOT like the egg salad I made from some of the dyed eggs.  or fart salad as his dad calls it).  After the kids were both in bed I had a couple bites of the egg salad then used the rest of my weight watchers points to have two beers (10 points!).  I reiterated to my husband as we unwound that though I had a ton of fun on our unexpected day of activities, I was beat and could never be a stay at home mom full time.  BRAVO to those of you that do it, because it takes more patience, stamina, and heart to do it day in and day out. 

So... 9 hours' worth of cell phone pics:

You have letters on your shirt!  L.I.L.S.I.S.Q. (he loves the letter Q and adds it to everything!)

Don't touch my truck!  It's very special and we keep it in the box when we're not playing with it!

Boy Momma, this brother of mine is a handful isn't he?

But he cracks me up and so do you!

You shall be ORANGE!

I have six eggies Mom! 

Please stop with the pictures now!

Whoops!  I shouldn't pick them up when they're wet?

Yay for the mailman!

Cohlie - STOP barking at the mailman!

HAHAHA Mommy - the wheat thins are in my belly!

I'm so funny!

Look at me!  I'm hanging!

Just like a monkey!

Um.... now what?

Hey Ladies!  Imma rollin!  Yea don't mine my mom over there - she can't come under here with that baby strapped to her chest!

A full day's play makes one do funny things, like put bowls on their head.  Just don't cut my hair, ok?

another middle of the night post

that i wrote last Friday night and just found in my email...

 It's 3:04 am as I rock the lil lobster roll to the puttering of rain against the window. Trying to wake her up to nurse from the other side even though she ate for 6 minutes already... Lightning brighter than day lights flashes behind the pink curtains followed by a tremendous thunder. Less concerned about my little girl waking up, I strain to hear if there are cries coming from Gobbles room. I wonder if he does wake up, will he need to come cuddle in our bed or require one of us to hunker down in his room, surely he'll need us since it's his first storm without the pacifier. It's 3:12 now and the lightning is more sparse and thunder is fading. The rain slows too. The storm has passed and the house is silent. There is no waking up this baby now, so I'll lay her back in her crib and hope she'll sleep until daylight. A 7 hour stretch of sleep behind us, we know our time in this rocker is limited, for which I am thankful and a little wistful. Her infancy is passing with the quickness of a spring thunderstorm...