6 Months!

Half time goes by

Suddenly you're wise

Another blink of an eye

Sixty-seven is gone

- Five for Fighting

Dear Mr. Gobbles,

Wow.  You are six months old today.  One half of a year.  You are so ingrained into our lives that our routine and planning habits have become like you were always here.  Yet, at the same time we are still making new discoveries with you every day.  You have grown so much in such a short time - ten pounds in six months!  Please don't make this a habit... You're already giving mommy a workout lifting up and carrying around all 19 lbs, 4 oz of you.  And I don't want you to outgrow your jumper just yet - you could bounce around for hours if I let you.

You've been sitting up all by yourself for a few weeks now, and lately have started to scoot your bottom and tip yourself forward until you're on the verge of a crawl.  Little boy, please take your time.  You are welcome to sit by Mommy's side just as long as you want.  You have years to move around, why not stay put for a little while longer?  Some of this is just moving too fast for mommy.  Only 35 more of these "six month segments" until you're 18 and on your way to college.  If they all go as fast as this one did, I'm going to have to find a way to get us to that LOST island so we stop aging.

You are going to start saying real words soon, but I already know what you mean with your babbles.  When you want the dogs to come near, you shriek with delight and smack your knees.  When you are hungry you bury your head on my shoulder.  When you want to be entertained you look up at me with a half-smile and start blowing bubbles.  When you are sleepy you cry the loudest, fighting to stay awake and play just a little longer.  And when you want to say "I love you", you grab my hair, neck, or cheeks and pull my face to yours and drool on my cheek.

The other day, when I was blowing raspberries on your tummy, you sneezed in my eye.  I mean full out baby snot coating my eyeball.  It was gross, but you found it hysterical.  You let out the biggest belly laugh and told me you loved me (in the way I described above).  As vision cleared I started laughing too, only causing you to laugh harder.  I love these little moments between us, our Gobbles and Mommy jokes, when we just laugh together, not even really knowing why.

I watch you have these moments with your Daddy too, and it fills me with happiness.  You two have a bond that makes me proud to call you my family.  When he gets home and gives you the giant "kissy sound" kiss on your cheek, you giggle with delight.  These summer nights while we grill in the backyard, he'll take you off my lap and walk you around the yard, showing you all the trees.  You return with fistfuls of leaves that you picked, just for me.  If I were more organized in my sentimentality they'd be sitting in a scrapbook somewhere.  Instead, they usually find their way to the ground as you return to my lap to watch the puppies chase each other and bark, which is your favorite form of entertainment.  Besides, of course, a quick round of our This is the way the ladies ride / Patty cake combo.

Well, little man, we're going to be experiencing a lot of firsts in the upcoming months.  The beach, camping, crawling, teeth, weddings, maybe even walking or talking.  Mommy and Daddy love you very much and can't wait to experience all of it with you.  I take that back, we can wait.  We can push pause right now and be content for quite awhile.  But, since you must continue to grow, please know that we'll be there with you through every step, stumble, and sleepless night.

I love you so much little boy.

Love, Momma

ps.  And if we're not in the mood for the mushy stuff...  on with the photo montage!

Wake up, it's 6 months Gobblesday!!

Welcome to my crib, come here often?

My pal Scout has a crush on my shirt

Mommy, really, are all these pictures necessary?  I look the same in every one of them!

Oh, wait, who's there?   Oh hi Daddy!

Yea, just doing an early morning photo shoot for my 6 months... oh yes I agree mommy is a bit "cuckooo"

Ok now there's a blanket.  Would you like to do this with all the animals in my crib too? Sheesh! 

Oh, are we doing superman, yes we can do this all day!  Would you believe my Daddy thinks I have brown eyes??

.  Ahhh, back downstairs with Sophie.  That's more like it.  Now put that camera away!!

Just another typical night. Plus weaning.

I may look innocent, but inside I am calculating just the right time to cry in order to get the most "mommy guilt" return on my investment

Last night was rough.  Gobbles knows what he wants, when he wants it, and how to get it.  This little man has more power over me than anyone ever has in my life.  Well except maybe Donnie Wahlberg.  Such power that he had me in hysterics a few hours before I was headed out to sign the contract for my new job.  Questioning everything.

It was hubs "turn" last night, to deal with the baby in every which way but feeding, as the nighttime feedings, though rare, still fall on me.  Gobbles went to sleep pretty easily last night, and I should have known it was too good to be true.  He hadn't quite finished his "half breastmilk / half formula" bottles at daycare yesterday, and coming off of the first weekend with boobie only twice a day, he was aching for a little more. 

Cue the midnight screaming.  I mean wailing.  Hubs finally got out of bed, after making sure of course that I was awake to the point of worry, and went in to take care of the baby.  Clean diaper, hugs and kisses from Daddy, paci replacement.  More crying.  I sat up in bed and rolled my shirt, knowing what was coming... Sweets, I think he's hungry. 

Of course.  Strangely enough, this only happens on his nights.  I fed Gobbles for a few minutes and he pulled off, satisfied. (He has become a little champ - can clear a boob in under 5 minutes now).  I gave him a hug and a kiss, and handed him back to hubs to go back to his crib.  Being that it was only midnight, it wasn't close enough to morning for us to bring him into the bed, we've been trying to hold that off until at least 4am.

As I was handing him back, the hysteria began.  Our child was inconsolable as my husband left the room with him in his arms.  It took all of about 5 seconds for me to realize what I'd done.  The poor kid just wanted to hang out with his Momma after spending the majority of his waking day at daycare.  Overwhelmed by guilt, I started crying hysterically too.  I ran into the nursery to get him, pulled him from husbands arms, and held him close to me.  The baby's sobbing quickly stopped, only making my tears come harder. 

Hubs was now thoroughly confused, and seemingly more concerned to make sure all my "helping" wasn't going to negate the fact that this was "his" night and I'd still be on baby duty tomorrow.  I tried to explain what was wrong, how I felt, and what I assumed Gobbles was thinking about only getting his boobie twice a day now.  Poor kid doesn't know why.  Hubs, being that ever so sympathetic and sensitive man that I married, told me Babies cry.  That's what they do.  I began to question everything again, working mom verses stay at home, if it's going to ruin the baby to have him sleep in our bed yet again.  Hubs drifted off to sleep somewhere during me chattering on, sick of the same conversation that I always have.  Gobbles hugged my neck, gave me his "kisses", and babbled back to me, which of course swept away any fear or anxiety that had come over me.  I set up his boppy "nest" between our pillows and we too finally fell asleep. 

The emotional shift I am experiencing combined with the difference in physical closeness that Gobbles is going through is making this more difficult than I had pictured.  I would have thought it was all just a horrible dream if not for waking up to an Ahhh- aaaahhhh! in my ear, *slapslapslap* on my hand, and wide-eyed gummy grin I saw when I finally opened my eyes this morning.

As the alarm went off, I heard my husband redeem himself with just one sentence.  He said to our son,  It's a good thing you're cute buddy, otherwise I don't know if you'd be able to get away with this.  Look at all you put your mommy through. 

And with that, we're back on the same page.  At least until tonight's bedtime battle.

Turn and Face the Strange

ch ch ch changess...

Life sure is easier when the biggest decisions are should we play with the weeble or the toy phone?

Well it's time.  Time to change the status quo.  The hubs and I decided that it would be best for me to move on in my career and pursue the opportunity that was presented.  I accepted the job on Friday.  The ultimate rationale was twofold. 

First, even though I'm enjoying many work-at-home days at the moment, it could turn on a dime and it could be work- from - Peoria or some other random middle of nowhere place.  And then I'd be kicking myself for not taking the chance to get out.

Second, I really felt like I "clicked" with the people on the interview.  I know, work is work whatever, but having never really bonded with the people at my current job, I miss the comradery, the actual looking forward to going to work in the morning.  Sounds cliche, but it could happen, right?  There was a time a few years ago where even though I complained, I had friends at work to complain with, it was great! Hoping to find that again, well, without the complaining part again.  Such an idealist, I am.

I still have a month to finish up some projects here and prep for the new job, with a start date set for July 6. 

Now some changes on the Gobbles front, he started on formula over the weekend.  Sort of.  He's still nursing morning and night, but the bottles in between are half formula, half breastmilk.  By the end of the week those bottles should be all formula. 

He's also getting sitting up completely now and started lurching into a crawl.  Still not actually mobile, but getting there any day now!

Aww, my little boy is sitting up.  Is that why you look so smug Gobbles?

Ahh Ha Ha Nope.  I was makin' poopies Momma!!

a bird in the hand is worth... how does it go?

Well now.  That was unexpected.  Seemingly out of nowhere, I have a job offer.  Then why am I so... meh?

I'll start my saga four months ago, when I was in the closing half of maternity leave, peeing my pants in fear that I might get sent on assignment far away from my beloved son, and become none other than a weekend mommy.  I began a daily job search, posted my resume on monster, and applied to a few jobs that looked appealing.

Then, the week before I was scheduled to return to work, I got an interview from a well-known local company.  They were looking for an engineering project manager to help manage their real estate projects - new buildings and renovations, all of a simple cookie cutter design with a little red goose on the sign.  I was stoked, what a great place to work.  And I'm sure they have some super-secret cafeteria that has hoagiefest year round!  I aced the interview and became one out of the 14 interviewees to garner an elusive spot in the final four.  Unfortunately, I couldn't celebrate too soon because the next round was going to be a month away.

No problem, I thought, as I secretly psyched myself up.  Meanwhile, I got a reply from a local university but 5 miles up the road from my house.  The interview for the project manager position was set for the day before hoagiefest's round 2.  Score!  This was a place that I'd scoured the website for 3 years looking for a position like this to open up.  5 minute commute, 4 weeks vacation, and free tuition for my kids.  I was ready to hand in my resignation and move in.

In the days leading to the interviews, I played a game in my head.  Ok, I know I like the university position better, but the hoagie position seems great too, I'd be happy with either one.  But what happens if I got the offer from hoagiest before university had a chance to decide?  Will I risk holding out, or do I take what I get.  Maybe it'd be best if I didn't have to make that decision, like if the offer from the U comes before hoagiefest. 

I had my bags packed, my current boss ready as a reference, and my stalking done.  It's amazing what you can find out about your potential future boss with a few clicks of the mouse these days.

Never once did I consider that I get myself so overly emotionally attached to something that I could just squeeze the life out of it before it is ever mine.  But that's exactly what happened.  The day after round 2 with hoagiefest, I got a call, thanks you're awesome but not as awesome as the other guy we picked.  Ok, ok, no problem, I told myself.  This means you're supposed to get the university one.  Thank you note was already sent so I just sat back and waited.

and waited.

After two weeks, I had the nerve to send a follow up note, just a quick, hey how's it going curious if the position has been filled?  Nothing is more of a slap in the face than NO RESPONSE.  Seriously dude, we chatted for an hour and a half, you bitched about how when you were laid off last year half the people you called for a job didn't have the courtesy to at least call back and say we got nothing for you.  You hypocritical jerk.  Well I wouldn't want to work for you anyway.  Pshhh. Yea if he called me today I'd still probably take the job in a heartbeat.

Confidence shattered, I turned my attention to this recruiter who had called me out of the blue having seen my resume on monster.  It had been up there for so long, I actually forgot it was still being viewed.  He said he had an opportunity for a facilities project manager he thought I might be interested in.  So I went on the interview.  Called me back and told me hey, you're the only one they want back for a second round.  I don't know if I just didn't want to get my hopes up again or what, but it just didn't phase me this time. 

The interview took place a few hours ago, and I just got a call.  I'm in!  They want me!  Why am I not so excited?

Probably because of this - the cons:
- It's a contract-to-hire position.  Meaning no benefits the first year, a chance of not getting hired next, and no tenure as a company employee for accrued vacation time and maternity leave when I finally am brought on.  So will I have to re-adjust my schedule for baby #2?
- The hours are all wonky.  I basically would make my own schedule but would have to make it to be there a few evenings a week in order to meet contractors, etc.  This will knock hubs' schedule out of wack as I'm the one who usually does pickup at daycare.
- Some weekend work.  They assured me that anything I have scheduled ahead of time (weddings, weddings, weddings, etc) would be worked around, but still if I need a contractor working that weekend, I need to delegate someone to get them moving.
- Some travel. (!) seriously. Why would I even consider a new job that still has a few trips annually when that is the reason I'm leaving in the first place?!  Maybe because of...

The Pros...
- A significant pay raise.  Significant enough to mask the lack of benefits that comes with being a contract employee.  And then some.  But really, when I started the job search I said, it is not about the money, it's the work/life balance I want.  So hey, money?  I know you're talking, but I ain't listening!
- My kind of people.  Everyone I met with is nice, funny, and they love FOOD.  I have never been on another interview that food was discussed so much, I think we talked about Bobby Flay more my engineering knowledge. 
- Make my own schedule.  They told me they don't think the last PM ever worked on a Friday.  As long as I get my 40 in and my work done, it's cool.  Obviously my schedule has to encompass certain things as I mentioned in the Con side of this argument, but whatever works for me, works for me.
- Lunch with my bff lady.  Yes, her company is the client of the company I'd be working for.  When she needs to complain that the contractor doing renovations near her office left dust on her desk, she'll call me.  Or I could just leave pennies on her desk like we did for poor bowlers in high school.  Wow that's old.

I just don't get it.  I don't get myself.  There is no other opportunity in sight right now.  I've got it, it's an out from the looming "pack your bags and work in Vegas for a year" bomb.  I can tell my NYC bosses to shove it, and I can stop all this worrying.

So what am I afraid of?

catching up

Can every weekend be 4 days long?  Who can I talk to about that?  We had a full weekend, new activities, old friends, and random outings.  All accompanied by great weather.

I had off on Friday, so I took gobbles meet his newest little buddy.  As I carried him up the walk to the house, we could hear the familiar sounds of the little lamb swing.  Ours has sadly been retired for almost 2 months now, but Gobbles lit up in recognition when he heard the music playing inside the house.  Buddy's momma greeted us at the door, and we swapped babies.  Though Lil Buddy is weighing in at a solid 8 lbs, he felt weightless after lugging around an almost 20 lb child!  It's amazing just how much happens in the first 6 months of life, and I felt a tinge of jealousy that the early development is still ahead for this momma.  It did fade, however, after she reminded me of getting up every few hours to feed.

We chatted for awhile and Lil Buddy slept on my chest.  Meanwhile gobbles enjoyed looking around the new environment, leaving a few sprays of regurgitated sweet potatoes and milk on the rug.  Twice.  (sorry again Momma!)  It's funny how this particular lady and I have gone through major milestones together.   First as college roommates, we met our would be husbands around the same time.  We now joke about how we had an unspoken competition of whose boy would stay longer to hang out after jeopardy was over.  Now of course it's not a competition, as we both won the prizes we were seeking.  Now it's just fun, first getting married around the same time, then being pregnant together, and now new mommies.  It's nice to trade stories, advice, and just hang out.  It also helps that her little man is just so damn adorable!

When Lil Buddy woke up we got a nice shot of the boys together, I'm sure the first of many occasions when they'll be forced to smile for the camera for us.

Now buddy, they seem to do this flashy thing a lot.  Just look in their direction

and we can finish our conversation when they're out of our faces!

The next day, friends of ours had a barbecue, and there were kids of all ages there. running here there and everywhere.  Is this what we have to look forward to?  I was a little overwhelmed talking to a mom of a two year old with her 2nd on the way. I know in theory that's how far apart I want to space them, but wow it seems like a lot of work, don't know how I'd ever handle it!  Regardless, it was nice to get out and socialize. But it was different than normal, in that hubs and i didn't even have to argue over who was drinking, who was driving... I think between the both of us we had maybe 3 beers... not because we couldn't drink, but we were so busy changing diapers, feeding gobbles, or soothing him that it just wasn't feasible to booze as well.  Do I sound like an alcoholic??

The next day we took gobbles on his first trip to the dog park.  Once in awhile we like to take Cannoli and Spoons there to tire them out and get a little socialization in.  Gobbles had a ball watching all the puppies run around... I love how he is just fascinated by them!  He also had fun hanging out with Daddy in the baby bjorn.

I shall call him... mini-me!

The dogs' friend Sophia was also there to hang out with them, and old pal they haven't seen since before that thing took over their lives and couches. After we were all sufficiently worn out, we made it back home and called it an early night.  Nothing can help you sleep better than chasing two mutts around 5 acres of open field and through a muddy creek for an hour.

The next day we ran some errands early, including a trip to Walmart to buy a 6 person tent for an upcoming camping trip.  Because a) the addition of a 20 lb kid requires an upgrade from a 2 person to a 6 person tent and b) having a baby is no excuse to say no to camping, especially when there will be one 3 months his junior in attendance!

We unwound that afternoon with dinner on the grill and a few beers.  I got a call from a friend around the corner that evening that they were sitting out back relaxing.  With a slight buzz already going, we decided what the heck and loaded up the stroller with the kid, diaper bag, and a little cooler and went for a walk.  After hanging out for an hour or two, we came home, sufficiently happy to contradict my theory from four paragraphs ago that we're too old or busy to enjoy a few.  It just will not necessarily be when planned.