It's Gobbles Time!: On Having a Daugher

I was never a girly girl. Growing up, I preferred basketballs to barbie dolls, t-shirts to dresses, and function to beauty. When I got engaged I promptly created an elaborate budget spreadsheet and listed a month by month schedule of tasks, as opposed to other brides who would pull out magazine clippings and color inspirations. Sure, I've always had the emotions that make me 100% woman, but I've tended towards more stereotypically male-dominated activities - sports, math, heck even my career is 90% male.

When I found out I was pregnant with a girl, I figured I'd raise her on what I knew, and if she needed fashion, makeup, or trend advice, she had 3 more than capable aunts to take care of it. If it had been left solely up to me, the Lil Lobster Roll would have kicked it in her big brothers' hand me downs most of the time because, really, all babies do is poop and spit up, right? But then people began to buy pink. And pastel. And just overall ADORABLE things. And it sucked me in. I have never put as much effort into getting dressed as I have with my daughter. I'm having more fun than anyone should but I just love dressing her up in all the little girly girl outfits. To the point where I haven't even bought my poor son an Easter suit yet. I have fun dressing him up, but not like this.

I've even started putting a little more effort into myself. Not clothes yet as I'm still working on the baby weight, but I've worn earrings a number of times recently and have started accessorizing a little bit. Not a big accomplishment for most, but for someone who can count on one hand the number of times I've worn makeup, it's huge. (Though I will say makeup still scares me and I'll get there eventually, maybe 15 years from now when the lil lobster roll starts!). My little girl has inspired me - I want to be a Mommy who has shoes and dresses that she'll want to try on and play dress up.

This past Sunday was her baptism day, and as I dressed my baby girl in her beautiful dress purchased for her by her Godmother, I welled up. She looked so beautiful, and a moment flashed in my mind that someday I'd be helping her into a wedding dress. Then I got nervous thinking about her growing up, and how life gets so hard sometimes, and how all I wanted to do was protect her from everything in the world. My innocent pretty little girl, I just want her to be this sweet and protected forever. Now I'm starting to sound like an old-fashioned bitty, because I've never felt the need to shelter Gobbles in this way, but it's just different with a girl, and I finally understand it. Maybe because I am a girl and I know all of the social pressures to look and act a certain way, I just don't want the Lobster Roll to ever feel like she has to be anything other than herself. I'm thankful to have had a close-knit group of girls in my later teenage years that gave me the confidence for me to find myself, because prior to befriending them, I can definitely see my insecure middle school self heading down other, scarier paths.

I'm sure my Lil Lobster Roll will have all the confidence and female empowerment she needs, as all her Daddy and I do is tell her how pretty she is - I mean, really, we can't help it. She is just so pretty! And I know the blessing of having an older brother will keep her in line from becoming one of those girls, the ones that are all material, no substance. But I just hope I'm able to keep up with it all, that she'll be proud to be my daughter, and that she'll look up to me and want to be just like me. I'm ready learn how to be the best role model my daughter could want. I just need to round out my feminine side a little more. So next up... learning to walk in heels.