don't let your life pass you by

this week began like any other.  cursing monday we woke up, went through our chaotic morning routine, and i got gobbles to daycare and made it into work just a few minutes late - as usual.  after going through my email and handling any urgent issues, i settled in to read the local news.  the headline referring to a local swimmer dying in an international competition piqued my attention. 

intrigued, i delved deeper into the story and was saddened to learn the details surrounding the tragedy.  for some reason the feeling stayed with me all day.  having competed in a few open water swims for triathlons, i understand the tangle of arms and legs that is the race start. and that getting kicked in the head as you try to navigate the murky water is par for the course.  but for a professional swimmer to lose his life while competing in what he lives for is unimaginable.

that evening i chatted with my husband about it, lamenting the lack of emergency officials at a race with 80+ degree water.  i don't care what country it is, at a regulated event safety should always come first.  he wondered why i felt so attached to this story, having never met or hearing of this person before.  i couldn't explain it, but from time to time i just become attached to certain things i hear in the news, feeling sympathetic for all involved but at the same time thanking god that all of my loved ones are safe and sound.

the next day came and my mind moved on, all but forgetting about the news story until last night when i was on the phone with my mother. we talked about the week past and the weekend ahead, the usual.  she brought up that she may be going to a funeral on saturday.  who died? i asked.  she seemed surprised i didn't know.  oh, it's so sad, my friend patty's son was a professional swimmer, it was on the news...  

"wait, what?  you're friends with them?"

we used to have a house together when i lived at the shore for the summers - she was in my wedding!  daddy used to do their taxes for them... but i haven't seen her in about 15 years since we went out to dinner, and prior to that i'm sure it had been years as well.  after we all had kids, we just got so busy that we kind of lost touch.  hmmm, maybe i shouldn't even go, maybe i should just send her a card.

as i heard my mother recount stories about her friendship with this woman, a woman whom with she was so close she stood in my parents' wedding, my heart began to ache.  i'm sure a lot of it was that i began to imagine the pain from a mothers' perspective of losing her only son, but for some reason i really just felt awful for the fact that they fell out of such a close friendship, for no other reason than life getting in the way.

i'm shocked to still be thinking about this the next day, but the thought of not being close with my girls years from now scares the hell out of me, especially because lately i have already felt the tug.  we're all in different places right now - different professions, different neighborhoods, different types of husbands, boyfriends, etc, and different views on family.  it makes me sad to think that soon enough the only thing we'll have in common is our past.  will that really be enough to keep us getting together when we're in our 40s and beyond?

the lack of irish weekend this year, our annual girls' getaway, was the first sign that things have changed.  some people went, but brought their men and a different group, some of us had other obligations, but no one really brought up alternate means of getting together - a new date, different place, or a simple dinner. 

we have worked hard to get our girl time despite all the changes - we used to have monthly ladies' dinners at a random chain restaurant, but for some reason that stopped.  we tried starting a book club, which fizzled after 3 meetings due to lack of attendance.  we have an email list that thrives and falters, but only a handful of people check it anyway.

it saddens me to think that someday i might be in the same situation as my mom was today- reading about an old friend in the news, and debating whether to even show up for them even though we were once close enough to call ourselves 'girls'.  because of this, i'm going to put forth a more concentrated effort to get out there, make time despite having none.   time to plan a good old fashioned foodfest or something...

just as soon as i get around to cleaning this house...