how much stress can you cram into one time period? I'll let you know when I burst...

Boy oh boy how quickly I've forgotten. I remembered, on paper, that getting a shower was a luxury, sleep was in two hour increments, and nursing makes one thirsty. But I don't think I was prepared for the emotional effort necessary to cope with all of that, plus keeping the house clean for showings, looking for a new job, recovering from having my stomach cut open, running after an energetic two year old, taking out two puppies, one of whom is wearing an Elizabethan collar while recovering from his own surgery, oh, and caring for a newborn. Did I mention that February is "year end" at hubs work so he did not get home until well after 8pm every night?

But, somehow, we've survived. Despite feeling like a "single mom" the last four weeks and venting out to hubs my feelings on exactly that, our marriage has survived as well. Unfortunately, the house has not sold yet, Cannoli is still wearing the lampshade, and I haven't found a new job yet. So I'm still slated to return to the job from hell in less than 7 weeks, and have to add that to the balancing act of all the above. I'm exhausted thinking about it. Actually, I'm just exhausted, thinking or not...

I feel like I'm getting Lil Lobster Roll's relationship with me off to a bad start. My mind is constantly on the next "to do", and since she cries most of the time she's not being held, I'm allowing her to sleep the day away once she falls asleep just so I can get stuff done. For instance, we have a showing tonight and the house hasn't been vacuumed in two weeks, the beds need making, diaper trashes must be emptied, and toys need to be cleaned up. Wrangling two kids and two dogs out of the house during dinnertime is just what I want to be doing in the rain. I'm only blogging because it's something I can do one handed while the baby chills in the other arm. Don't know if we'll make it to the vacuum.

And it almost brings me to tears thinking about the fact that Gobbles has been going to daycare almost every day so I can have the time to do crap like this. The plan was during my recovery he'd go, then we'd spend mommy and kids time at home when I was well enough to move around. I've been back on my feet for over 2 weeks and he's still going. I have been picking him up early and spending the afternoons with him, but the guilt over sending him in the morning, despite his begging to go see his friends, is slowly killing me, and I know I'll regret it when I'm back at work. I keep telling myself that as soon as the house is sold, or it's nice out, or Lil Lobster Roll gets into a better feeding routine, that is when we'll spend days at a time together.

All so we can have more room for our little family. So the crib doesn't have to be in the same room as the guest bed. So the dogs' water bowl won't be underfoot as I try to do dishes, soaking my feet as I accidentally kick it even though it's been in the same spot for ages. Gobbles has outgrown the high chair, but during our morning routine of getting ready, he sits there in it in the middle of the kitchen while we serve his breakfast and make lunches. The dream is to have him at a kitchen table so that we can still spend those precious 30 minutes with him each morning.  Besides, only 2-3 more months until the Lobstah needs the high chair anyway...

But is it all worth it?  Our lives have been on hold in some ways since the house went up for sale in June.  Going back and forth to the POD for stuff has gotten old, and I'm tired of lettinh strangers into our house only to tell us it shows excellently but too bad your price is based on what you paid at the height of the market... it will be when the kids don't have to lug their bikes up from the basement to take them outside and muddy towels won't line the floors of the kitchen since that's where we wipe off dirty puppy feet. 

Ok, this post has gone off in a direction that I did not intend.  I'll post it because it always feels better to vent, and tomorrow (or Friday??) I will post about the joys we've experienced in the last 5 weeks.  Despite the tone of this, I am so happy with our little girl and the dynamic she's brought to our family.

Until tomorrow...