It's been over a month since we said goodbye, but the heartache behind your passing is still raw. It's amazing how quiet and empty the house feels without you here, ironic for a dog that never barked in the first place. I miss having you follow me around like my personal magnet and sneaking a snuggle with your soft fur every chance I get. Despite the cleanings, your hair is still everywhere and I'm sure will remain on our clothing and in our corners until the end of time :).
Your presence at work is also noticeably missed, as your bed remains in the corner of my office, used by Cannoli occasionally but he doesn't like it as much as you... I really need to find a place to store it. The ladies still talk about you and how awesome you were and I still get weepy on the way home without my roadgirl smiling in the rearview mirror.
As for the kids? Oh man it's been rough, especially, surprisingly moreso the the little lobster roll. She is obsessing over heaven and what you are doing up there, just last night she said "I bet Spoons is having so much fun up in heaven playing with the other dogs". I hope she's right, girl. It's amazing how kids have their philosophies- just a few days after you passed, her bff K said in the car on the way to dance "look at that cloud. Yoda (her dog who passed two years ago) is giving Spoons a tour". And the girls talked excitedly about all you'd do together while I tried to keep from welling up.
Gobbles on the other hand has taken things much more quietly. Just when I think things are ok, he'll randomly blurt out how much he misses you and wished he could have you back for just one day. He speaks for all of us miss Bear, we all would love you for just a little more time.
Cannoli seems to be taking it worst of all, moping around the house, lonely, clingy, and sad. We're thinking about getting him another friend soon so that he perks up, but no one could ever replace you.
I'm so happy to think we got an extra 6 months with you to enjoy our bucket list summer, a summer we'll never forget. The kids were so lucky to experience so many things with you that we'll all always cherish. You went to a bark-b-q, on a hayride, to a tball game (or two), to the beach in summer, to a brewery, to work with me (a lot), on long walks, on hikes, in creeks (reluctantly). You marched proudly in a 4th of July parade all patriotic'd out, facetimed with us, caught that ever elusive baby bunny (to add to your list that consisted of a groundhog and flies before), walked Gobbles to the bus stop, and watched fireworks. Daddy made you your very own filet mignon and boy did you love that!
Towards the end, we gave you more snuggles and love that most dogs receive in a lifetime. On your last night here, the kids camped out with air mattresses next to your bed and fell asleep with you by their sides. The day we had to take you in they gave you hugs and kisses and pets and love, not realizing it was the last time they'd see you. Daddy and I drove you to the vet and I sat in the backseat with you, windows open while you enjoyed the rush of the wind. You pranced into the vet with such strength and confidence that I thought maybe we'd been premature. Sadly, just a few minutes after that ray of hope, the vet confirmed what we'd been fearing, that it was time. Although we knew it all along the floodgates opened and Daddy and I held each other tight as we hugged you and stroked your soft fur for the last time. You held my gaze with those big brown eyes until your very last moment, looking at me to please and love and just be that comforting presence that you have always been.
After hearing the news of your passing the kids cried for hours, not quite understanding how you could be here one moment, gone the next. Daddy and I cried too, knowing just what we'd be missing. A faithful girl who has been by our sides through the ups and downs for almost a decade of our lives. Especially in the past year, with all our family has been through, you've been that steady source of comfort there for a good cry, hug, or snuggle.
I feel like our lives will have this marked point in time, where our memories will be distinctly separated into two periods- with Spoons and without. Obviously this will fade as time marches on as we grow and change as a family, with the Lobster being only 4 I don't know how much she'll hold on to in the future. But I know for Gobbles, I've already seen a change, another layer of skin plus another component of sensitivity. For me, it's a period that will always be with my heart, our time with the Spoonsie Bear, the best dog ever.
I love you and miss you forever Spoons.
Love,
Mommy
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