chronicles of a working mom

time. there's never any time! i'm so excited. i'm soooo excited. i'm so. scared.

yea, that's how i feel. ok except for the part where i shove caffine pills down my throat and dance in a music video in an 80's leotard.

i just can't believe it's friday already. this week flew. sure i've been working hard all week, but man just blink and time is gone. i had all kinds of things on my to do list to get done before the weekend, and it's still sitting there unchecked. hubs and i had a few spats early in the week about scheduling, chores, etc. i think the adjustment of me returning to work is harder on him, because he doesn't really realize how much there is to do when there's a kid to account for. you can't just wake up in the morning and be out the door in a half hour any more, there are diapers to change, bottles to clean, boobs to suck on (for milk, perv!), cute outfits to find. and if i'm lucky i'll get a brush through my hair.

through the yelling one particularly hectic morning, i found myself saying "ugh, you're such a typical man." wtf does that even mean? even better was his response "well you're such... ok well you're not a typical wife but..." so i think even in his anger he was kind of admitting how awesome i am. even though we didn't talk the rest of the morning i felt a little smug having won that one. but really, is this what it's all about? am i out to win arguements we shouldn't even be having? things have calmed down and of course we're fine now (in our 10 years together i don't think we've gone more than about 12 hours angry at each other. i usually give in 'cause i'm a sucker). but wow i'm exhausted.

thankfully, i got a call from a friend just 6 weeks into her new mommyhood and she complained about the same stuff i'm going through, and poor girl isn't even back to work yet. so really, i think it's just all men. knowing there's someone else out there who gets it makes me feel a lot better.

i just don't want us to end up one of those couples who throws all their energy into the kids and puts no time into their marraige. we need a date. just the two of us. he keeps saying that we should go to disney for our 5 year anniversary (will be the week before gobbles' first birthday). i'm on the fence. i LOVE disney, the atmosphere, the food, the drinks. but what kind of a-hole goes to the happiest place on earth without their kid? and would i even want to go without him? we're already planning europe for next spring, how much time do i really want to be away from this kid? i miss him so much while he's at daycare - now we only get like 2-3 hours a day of happy wakeful baby time. he's only going to be a baby for so long.

ahh i could go on forever, but i've got a conference call in 5 mins, so the blogworld is spared.

in fun gobblestime news - we've had a breakthrough. spoons will now sit by while gobbles oohs and ahhs at her, and she'll even let him touch her. i love how he scrunches his hand in and out when he feels her fur, like he knows how to pet her! it'll usually last for a few minutes and then the poor dog will get a little freaked out and jump away, leaving the baby holding a clump of spoonsie bear hair. which he promptly tries to shove into his mouth. just building up immunities there little buddy ;)

and now i'm totally going to cheat on the picture part because i haven't taken any new ones this whole week! so here are some faves from his target photo shoot.

myself again

wow. i'm amazed. never would i have thought that i actually like being at work again. i mean, not the being away from home and not seeing my son for two days part. but the dropping him off at daycare, commuting (well...), and being in an office with other adults was actually kind of nice. the best part was being able to complete a task uninterrupted. sure, i had to run down two floors to a private room and make a few meals for gobbles, but the rest of the day i was able to just function.

sure, he was a little nervous the first day:

Does this chin make me look fat?

he seems pretty happy at daycare, and it's a small group so i know he's not getting lost in a crowd or anything. and the thing that makes it all worth it, is the HUGE grin he gets on his face when he hears my voice as i enter the room. he looks up at me and smiles so warmly, so happily, momma! i knew you'd come back! check me out, i'm having fun with the other babies. but, let's go home now. i want to stare and smile at those loud furry things again. i'm going to figure them out very soon!

that is the best part of my day. during the drive home i almost forget to pay attention to the road, because i spend too much time staring in his mirror while i talk to him, just so see the reaction. we're starting to have conversations about anything, everything! i just need a translator.

yes, the house is a mess. yes, dinner and relaxation time are limited to about 15 minutes at some point after 9 o'clock. yes, i needed two trips to daycare yesterday because hubs forgot the pacifier. yes, our dogs are a little smelly these days. but, who cares? gobbles is happy. we're happy.

see, look how excited he was to go this morning:

Look out ladies, it's Gobbles time!

that's all that really matters now isn't it. we'll have the whole weekend to hang out together.

ps: to my gobbles - happy 4 month birthday little boy. i cannot believe how quickly you are becoming a little man, rolling back and forth, screaming with delight when we talk, and just about sitting up by yourself. please don't grow too fast, mommy loves that she can pick you up and squeeze you in a big hug, kissing your fat little cheeks, and peeking out the side of her eye to see your toothless grin as your cheek is mashed up into your face from the force of my snuggle. in a few short years the day will come when you don't want those crazy momma kisses anymore. so i need to get them all in now, thanks for understanding. i love you so much little boy.

Never Have I Ever

in all my wildest fantasies about becoming a mom, my baby cooing in my arms, the sleepless nights of incessant crying, the rancid poopy diapers, the bubbly giggles as raspberries are blown on his tummy... NEVER did i imagine that i would be sitting in an airport pumping milk from my breasts.

thank god for private showers and first class lounge access.

and for texts from husbands who like to have a sharp dressed kid:

i will survive

i am sitting alone in a hotel room on the north side of houston, waiting for my dinner, and i'm not crying. it's ok. i thought i was going to lose it this morning when i sat on the plane watching the passengers file past. i kept scrolling through the pictures on my phone before i had to turn it off. i selected this here as my background picture (sorry cannoli and spoons, move doowwwn the line). blackberries are not known for their picture quality, but that doesn't bother me. i love how his entire face stretches across the screen.

and that was that. all day when i felt like i'd lose it i just picked up the phone and looked. now back in my hotel of course i've already gone through the 750 pictures on my computer a few times. yes - that was NOT a typo. 750 over less than 4 months. i really hope i am this dedicated to child number two. and god help 3 or 4. (since i know hubs doesn't read this, i can fantasize about having as many children as i want!)

it's a strange feeling being back on the road, it's like i never left. drove to the airport, got thru security, and was seated on the plane all in the span of about 45 minutes. still have it down to a science. (guess it helped having the first class security fastpass). but there were moments up in the air that i felt like i hadn't been flight free for 6 months. i almost forgot that the last time i was there it was a struggle to carry my suitcase. and it was a bit ironic that today my seatmate got my bag down for me without even asking, yet when i was obviously preggo no one would help me! i dazed out a few times and the only thing that brought me back to reality was the immense pressure and pain i felt saying "you have to pump ASAP!". i'll admit it, it was kind of nice to have my thoughts to myself for a few minutes. but, just a few minutes, i can already feel it coming, i'm just dying to give my gobbles a goodnight kiss on his chunky little cheeks.

the actual return to working was kind of anti-climactic, same old shit. no need to go there.

i'm cutting this short to enjoy the one good thing about being away by myself - an uninterrupted hot meal, a glass of wine, and trash reality tv. oh, and i totally get to try out my new dreamie. perfect for the ocd traveller. just wish i discovered it years ago!

'cause everything's gonna be ok

No cereal for you!

this is it. here we are little buddy, ready to take the next steps in our crazy lives. somehow you must know we won't be spending every minute together anymore. you rolled over for me front to back this week, when we thought it's take months to lift that bulbous head. i feel better now that you can roll both directions, so you wont ever be stuck where you don't want to be. you're also standing for almost a minute at a time (with our help to balance of course) before your little bow legs buckle. it's not going to be long before you start scooting around. time to vacuum up all that dog hair!

thankfully, you're still showing signs of being a little baby as well. you shake your rattles and slam your sophie, but don't chew on her to relieve your teething pain. (yes, i got a sophie. i gave into peer pressure from the moms in my yoga class. better to happen now with a $14.99 rubber giraffe than a $300 pair of shoes when you're older. or a starter jacket.) also, you've made it clear that you do not want solid cereal yet. sure mommy sneaks it into your bottle, but a spoon? hah! no way!

i'm feeling less anxious now in my return to work. when i spoke with my boss yesterday, he alluded to the fact that the projects i'll be working on will only involve trips lasting 1-2 days each. i can handle that. the bonus for that would be more time working from home for the downtime. he mentioned that because i was out, he hasn't been in since january! so sure, gobbles will still be off to daycare, but i could get a few odds and ends done around the house during lunch and stuff so i'll get more quality time with my little man when i'm not working. now, this could all change in a matter of weeks and i can be scooped up and sent to vegas full time (where the rest of the philly people are, and have been for over a year now), but i keep burying that thought away pretending the possibility doesn't exist.

that's it for now. keeping it short and sweet so i have the rest of the weekend to clean, pack, make cookies and pie for easter, and above all else, spend time with my handsome little porker.